On a Personal Note

Consistency is important in all areas of life. As my schedule picks up this August and leading into the fall, I'll be cutting back the number of times I post per week so that there is consistency. I'll be posting twice a week, on the days that are designated "rest days" in my training schedule.

Thanks for growing with me! I'm so thrilled for you and your progress in your journey!

Preparing for sleep

Preparation is an important part of health. We prepare for a workout with a warmup, prepare for healthy eating by purchasing healthy foods, prepare for healthy finances by creating our budget...but what about healthy sleep? Good sleep doesn't happen until your body and mind are ready for it. If you've ever laid

awake in bed at night because your brain just won't shut off, you know this all too well! Many people suffer from disorders that make nearly impossible for them to fall asleep on a schedule, but many more people simply aren't preparing their bodies and minds for the rest that they need.

Think about it this way: When you shut your computer off by pressing the "power" button, it takes a few minutes for all of the processes to stop running. You might hear the hard drive clicking, or the fan whirring, or even a slight sound from your processor, for several seconds after you've pushed that power button. However, when you shut your computer off by first closing all open window and programs, then using your start menu to select the 'shut down' function, everything powers down before the computer has actually shut off and you don't hear much going on after that.

Did you know that the computer is literally a mechanical model of the human brain?

Just like your computer needs to go through certain processes before it can actually shut down, your brain and body need signals that it's time to power off before you hop in bed. Otherwise you lay awake with that frustrating sensation of being VERY awake when you know you should be fast asleep. How do you prepare your body and mind for sleep? Start here:

1. Stop drinking any caffeine after 1pm. That stuff hangs around in your system and affects your brain function long after you've consumed it. You may not think you have a caffeine problem, but your brain knows you do!
2. Handle the day's business during the day. There are few tools in the world that have been universally helpful to all of the most successful people. A task list is one of them. Complete your task list during the day and set a cut-off point for yourself (I'd suggest 8pm). At this cut-off point, transfer any unfinished tasks to the next day's list in order of priority and resolve to leave it alone until the next morning. This will help your mind and body understand that unfinished tasks don't mean you'll be pulling an all-nighter. 
3. Clear your mind. Sometimes your brain just has too much to work on and can't sleep with all of the background stuff it's dealing with- like having programs open when you try to shut down your computer. Take up nightly journaling. Don't worry about making it pretty, just take 15 - 30 minutes each night to write out your thoughts and feelings about the day, as well as any last minute reminders your brain kicks at you. "Gotta bake cookies for Joe's bake sale next week" can be just as distracting for your brain as caffeine.
4. Let go of emotional garbage. Negative emotions can hang around long after you've decided to ignore them. As you're documenting your day, you may run into some of these bad boys. Do what you need to do in order to deal with them, and then determine to go to sleep without those burdens. 
5. Practice breathing exercises. Stress relief yoga is a great way to go for this one. Regulating your breathing to a slower, calmer pattern will help your body understand that it's time for rest. 
6. Use aromatherapy and calming herbs. What smells relax you? Many people swear by lavender, for me it's apple cinnamon. At night I light an apple cinnamon candle (which I blow out before falling asleep) and drink a cup of apple cinnamon tea, to tell my body that it's time to relax and start shutting down the processes that aren't needed for sleep.
   - As a side note, I also do this after my morning walks to calm my body down from the exercise enough that I can focus on the tasks at hand for the day. 

These are just a few tips to help you prepare for better sleep. Start here, and begin enjoying the restorative sleep of a healthier you!

Sleep

Restorative sleep is essential to health because sleep is the ultimate relaxation for your mind and body. It's a chance to recharge, and to catch up on the task list that can't be worked through when you're asleep. In sleep your heart rate, breathing, and digestion all slow down and your muscles all take a fully relaxed position. This allows your body to focus its efforts on other things until you wake up. For example:

Physically
Your body takes sleep as the opportunity it needs to focus on defense and repair. If you're injured, sleep is when you'll heal the fastest. If you're sick, sleep is when you'll recover the fastest. Your body needs sleep like it needs water and nutrients so that it can refresh the emergency backup glycogen (blood sugar) stores and quickly deliver stored nutrients to your muscles so that they can repair themselves.

Mentally
Your mind needs sleep just as much as your body does, if not more! Sleep is when your subconscious sorts through and files away the various things that have happened since the last time you slept. In sleep your brain can rationalize and reason through upsetting incidents, create solutions to pressing problems, and strengthen the new neural pathways you've created in the day by learning new things.

Like it or not, your body simply cannot go very long without sleep. Just like refusing to change the oil in your car will cause problems - and ultimately a breakdown - denying your body the sleep it needs is going to reduce your physical and mental performance capabilities. Keep up the habit of not sleeping and you'll find yourself with a broken-down body.

How much sleep do you need?
The amount of sleep you need depends largely on your age and gender. A healthy adult male in his prime tends to do best with between 6 and 8 hours of sleep - two full REM cycles - and a healthy adult female in her prime needs between 7 and nine hours - three REM cycles. Children generally need more sleep, roughly nine hours, because their little bodies and minds are doing so much developing still.

Today, make sure your schedule is set up to give you the right amount of restful sleep, and then do the same for your children if you have any.

Relaxation

Relaxation is a very important part of being healthy. If you aren't taking appropriate rest days you'll burn out pretty quickly. This is true in mental work, and exercise alike.

Because exercise makes your muscles stronger by tearing them so that they will re-heal, giving them a chance to do that healing is essential. If you don't take a rest day once or twice a week when you're exercising, those muscles won't have a chance to repair themselves. Continuing this will only lead to your muscles failing under the strain of your exercise - which in turn leads to sprains, pulls, tears, and sometimes even broken bones. Your body needs appropriate rest and one way or another, this marvelous machine will make sure that you give over the goods!

The same is true with work. It can be easy in a world of deadlines and alarm clocks to forget how important mental rest is. We can get caught up in checking off our various, very full checklists and forget entirely that the mind is also a muscle that very much needs its own healing time. When your mind doesn't get rest time it reacts the same way the rest of your muscles do: with eventual failure. This is what causes mental breakdowns, anxiety attacks, as well as all of the physical manifestations of stress (back pain, joint pain, and shortness of breath, just to name a few).

What do you do to rest? What makes you feel refreshed and ready for whatever comes next? If you're struggling with this one, think about your favorite celebrations. What makes them so good? Is it the family? The food? The chance to just have fun? Whatever part of your celebration makes you feel the best, integrate it into a healthy habit of relaxation! If your favorite part is friends and/or family, then schedule some coffee dates, shopping days, casual sports, or even just a walk. If the part of celebrating that feels best to you is food, then find a special and healthy meal - my personal favorite is pastazero noodles with broccoli and homemade meatballs. Whatever part of celebrating is the part that makes you the most relaxed, find a way to mix it into your life (without compromising on your goals!)

Failing Forward

How do you see failure?

There's a couple of different camps on this one. The most common view of failure comes from the group that says "You haven't failed until you've quit!" Cute sentiment, but that's just denial. Denial is a lie, and no lie in the world can help you reach your goal.

The second most common view of failure, in my experience, is what I'm going to call the dieter's approach. This is the idea that if you fail on Tuesday you might as well stop trying until Monday. This camp sees every failure as a devastation, a comment on their worth and ability to do things right. They see life like it's a game of chutes and ladders, with each failure being a chute straight to square one. For them life is a roller coaster and they ride from disappointment to disappointment, ultimately throwing their hands up in surrender to the seemingly inevitable and giving up altogether.

Both of these views come from the way we were taught to see failure in school. As infants, we know instinctively that failure is just something that happens when you're on the way to where you're going. We fall down and get right back up to try to walk again, being wiser for having fallen because we now know that simply lurching to the left will land us on our bottoms (or faces). This attitude continues through our toddler years as we experiment with the way the world works, but is halted suddenly when we enter school.

In the educational environment, failure is a stopping point. If you fail a test, that's a percentage of your grade you're never getting back. And whether you've failed or not, the new concepts will be introduced the next day. Failure isn't a learning point in school, it's a brick wall that smacks you in the face and holds you back for the rest of the year if you don't go through inhuman efforts (and beg someone with a higher grade to tutor you) so that you can catch up. Maybe. In my experience, once you've failed a few tests or homework assignments, your year is screwed.

Because of this, a fear of failure is born. Fear of failure will only hold you back in life. Psychologists have been dancing around this fact for years and are just now starting to meet it head on. When I was in middle school, studies and articles were published telling teachers that they should stop using red pen to correct assignments because the red color of the corrections damaged the students' self esteem and made them less able to grow into successful adults.

You and I both know that's malarkey. The color of a pen doesn't determine your success in life - so long as you know to fill out legal documents in blue or black. What actually happens there is that the child falls victim to the view of failure that the education system passes on, by throwing a brick wall at them with every 'F' and then leaving them behind to fail again and again as everyone else progresses without them. This, in turn, makes the child into an adult who is terrified of failing.

No bueno.

The third view of failure is one of the common denominators between all of the successful people in the world: Failure's just part of the process. This view takes us back to the understanding we had as infants and tells us to learn from our mistakes and move forward, gaining momentum with every failure. Doesn't that sound much better? The truth is that failure is just what happens when you get something wrong, and it's okay to be wrong sometimes as long as you don't stubbornly choose to stay wrong.

Today, examine your most recent failure and decide what you're going to learn from it that will help you on your journey.

Supplements

Now you know how many calories your body burns every day in order to maintain the life you need now. Much like your budget, you can now decide to make changes based on A) Lowering your calorie input, or B) Increasing your calorie output. Since we've been on this journey for almost 8 weeks, it's my hope that you've already done one or both of these things. Now that you have an understanding of how many calories your body uses every day, you can fine tune what you're already doing.

Calories aren't all that counts about your food, though. Nutrients are key, and they become even more important when you are exercising! Unfortunately, it's not physically possible to get everything your body actually needs in order to be healthy without supplementing. Today's food simply doesn't contain the right levels of nutrients. You can get your daily minimums from your food, but as far as what your body actually needs if you're trying to be optimally healthy - that's just not possible.

Don't believe me? Take a look at this video. It's a commercial for one of the supplements I use (and also sell, because the brand and the products have proven themselves to me). You don't have to pay any attention to the particular product or brand it's advertising, just watch the part where this couple is loading up their grocery card with all of the foods one person would need to eat in a single day to meet the average adult human body's real nutritional requirements, and the part where they explain why those foods are important. It's 6 minutes long, but worth the watch!

Do you think you could eat all of that? Even if you could, and you had the time to prepare it all healthfully and the money to purchase that amount of food every day, the number of calories represented there is....super high. You'd have to run a marathon every single day to burn off what you'd be consuming just to get your proper nutrition from your food.

Or, you can supplement.

How do you choose the supplement that's right for you?

1. Pick a supplement that meets all of your nutritional needs. This begs the obvious question: without being a doctor, how am I supposed to know what my nutritional needs are? Good question! You're smart for asking that! Here's your options:
1. Learn. Do a lot of in-depth research to learn what the average human body needs beyond the FDA stated minimums to be truly healthy. This will require a lot of time and effort on your part, a lot of sifting through garbage and rumors, and a LOT of coming to your own conclusions only to have them proven wrong.
2. Recruit someone who knows. This means hiring a nutritionist or dietitian and also doing a lot of your own research so that you know if what they're telling you is the truth.
3. Find a company who has been checked and re-checked by various third-party consumer and medical organizations throughout the world, and put your faith in their products. 
2. Pick a whole-food supplement. Most supplements on the market today are created with synthetic materials. Scientists sit in a lab and create Vitamin C based on it's chemical makeup. Those types of vitamins are far less useful to your body and put unnecessary chemicals into your system. Instead, what you want is a supplement that's made by extracting the vitamins from food, or breaking down food to make the vitamins accessible to your system.
3. Pick a supplement that's been tested and approved by credible third parties. Since supplements are not regulated by the FDA, there's no one looking over the shoulders of supplement companies to make sure that what they write on the box is what they're putting in the pill (and nothing more). In place of regulation, reliable third party testers have stepped up to the plate to hold these supplement manufacturers accountable. One such company is consumerreports.com, where you can find reports on most of the major brands. 

Today, look into the type of vitamin that's going to work best for you.

PAL, TEF, and predicting weight loss

Knowing your BMR is good, but it's only a piece of the puzzle of how many calories you're already spending every day without changing anything. Roughly 60% of your total energy output during the day is made up of your BMR, and the other 40% is a combination of your Physical Activity Level (PAL) and the Thermal Effect of your Food (TEF). 

To find how many calories you spend on existing and on your current activity level, multiply your BMR by the Activity Factor that best describes your lifestyle:

AF 1.2 = Sedentary (no consistent exercise)
AF 1.5 = Slightly Active (light exercise 1-3 days per week)

AF 1.8 = Moderately Active (job includes standing with some walking; moderate exercise or sports 3-5 days per week)

AF 2.0 = Very Active (Job includes walking; strenuous exercise or sports 6-7 days per week.)

AF 2.2 = Extremely active (physically strenuous job; very strenuous exercise or sports)

Personally, I walk a few miles at a brisk pace 5 mornings out of the week. That puts my activity factor at 1.8. As we discussed yesterday, my BMR is 1856.875. That means that in order to exist, and to keep up with my current level of activity, I need 3342.375 calories. 

Does that seem like a big number? It is. I'll explain later. 

The second number we're looking at today is the Thermal Effect of Food (TEF). This number refers to the number of calories required to digest the food that you're eating. The math for this isn't complicated, it's just 10% of your total calorie intake in the day. 

At maximum, on a really *really* off day, I take in 1500 calories. Most days I'm closer to 1000 or 1100. For today's purpose (and to not inflate numbers here), I'm going to use the smallest number in my factor. Ten percent of 1000 is one hundred. 

Add your TEF to the number you got from multiplying your BMR by your activity level. That brings my number to 3442.375. 

To exist, exercise, and eat, I burn 3442.375 calories per day. 

Here's where I'm going to use an assumption that is currently under suspicion in the scientific community. I'm going to assume that burning off one pound of fat requires your calorie input to be 3500 calories lower than your calorie output. There is an explanation of why this long-held assumption is under question right now as well as a calculator to predict your weight loss on a variety of factors and a very complicated math equation. However, as I mentioned, this is all very complicated. So I'm going to go with the long held and probably not entirely accurate assumption that 3500 is the number of calories to burn if you're going to lose a pound. 

Now, assuming this, let's take a look at my current output. Taking in 3500 calories less than I burn every day is physically impossible (if I'm not going to resort to starving myself), which means I'm not going to lose a pound every day. Shucks, but oh well. No biggie. However, I do currently take in at least 1900 calories less than I naturally burn every single day. That means that every two(ish) days I'll have taken in 3500 fewer calories than I burned in that two days and thus lost a pound. 

Sure, this doesn't take into account any kind of muscle gain, but it's pretty cool and very encouraging. Especially at the beginning of your journey it can be very helpful to know what you can expect. Keep in mind that as you lose weight your BMR will go down, and thus the number of calories you burn overall will also decrease - which mostly means that you will not be losing weight at the same rate in a year as you are this week. 

Today, calculate the number of calories you burn using your BMR, PAL, and TEF claculations. 

Base Metabolic Rate

In order to understand the rest of what I'll be saying over the next week or so, you first must understand your Base Metabolic Rate (or, BMR). BMR is a term that refers to the number of calories your body requires in order to function when you are resting. Why is this important? Basically, you have to know how hot the fire burns on its own in order to understand how and when to properly fuel it. Your body is, after all, a machine.

How do you discover your own BMR? There's an equation. Actually, there's two equations, because men and women are in fact different. That's right, ladies and gents, today we're going to be doing some math. Keep your pen and paper handy. 

For men, the equation goes:

10 * (weight in pounds * 0.455) + 6.25 * (height in inches *2.54) - 5 * (age) + 5 = BMR

For women:

10 * (weight in pounds * 0.455) + 6.25 * (height in inches *2.54)  - 5 * (age)  - 161 = BMR

To help make sure you're understanding how this works, I'm going to be really vulnerable with you and show you the math for my BMR. Ready?

10*(235*.455)+6.25*(67*2.54)-5*23-161 = BMR

Remember order of operations. Parenthesis first. 

10*(106.925)+6.25*(170.18)-5*23-161 = BMR

Next, Multiplication.

1069.25+1063.625-115-161 = BMR

1856.875 = BMR

That means, my body needs roughly 1800 calories *just* to survive. This is the number required to maintain basic body and brain function if I literally do nothing besides sitting on the couch a full 24 hours every day. This doesn't account for your Body Mass Index, the energy it takes to maintain your level of physical activity, or how much energy it takes to digest whatever food you're eating to get those calories. As such, this isn't the only equation you'll need for the next few steps in the physical health section of our talks. We'll take it one at a time though. Today, figure out your Base Metabolic Rate. Make sure to keep this number somewhere handy.  

EAT!

Yesterday we talked about Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis, which is physical activity that isn't planned exercise but burns calories anyway. Today, let's talk about Exercise Activity Thermogenesis.

Planned exercise is an important part of being healthy, though many only use it as a way to lose weight. To develop and maintain a healthy lifestyle, we should all be exercising for at least 30 minutes every day. This exercise should include cardiovascular training - what most of us just call 'cardio' - as well as strength training and stretching.

What does the perfectly healthy exercise routine look like? That really depends on you. Exercise is one of those areas where everyone is actually different, so you'll need to do your own research and try out a few different methods in order to find what is going to work for you.

For example, I know that I need high-intensity thermogenic activity. This means that while someone else can be perfectly healthy if they just go for a stroll every day and spend ten minutes strength training with resistance bands, I'm going to be healthier if I go for a run on a regular basis and do my strength training with heavier weights. I know this for two reasons.

First: I know that there are certain markers in your DNA that determine how your body responds to physical activity. Some people - like me - have a need for intense exercise coded into their DNA and their bodies won't respond to a low intensity exercise with nearly the same effectiveness, while other people's DNA is coded for either light or moderate intensity exercise to be most effective. Knowing that your DNA code affects how your body responds to exercise, I had mine tested to find those markers so I would know without a doubt what I should be doing. If you're interested in doing this, send me an email and I'll send you a referral to the company that I used for this test.

Second: I know what makes me feel the best. Even if you don't have a desire or the resources to have your DNA tested for these markers, you can still find your body's optimal exercise intensity with some trial and error. When I engage in light or even moderate exercise, I start to get physically frustrated within about five minutes. It's a struggle to slow myself down and force myself to ease up on the activity. My heart rate and adrenaline levels rise - not because of the activity I'm participating in, but because my body is responding to not getting what it needs by getting frustrated. It feels a lot like getting angry or being afraid, so it was confusing at first. But careful self-evaluation goes a long way. Since I had nothing to be angry or afraid about, I had to examine what other emotions cause this particular physical reaction for me. It was a little surprising to learn that my body was literally getting irritated with me!

When I start using intense physical activity for my planned exercise, the story changes altogether. If I'm putting all of  my strength, endurance, and physical ability to the test, my body responds with joy. Literally! As soon as I start pushing my limits, any stress that I'm feeling melts away and is replaced with happiness and peace. My mind clears and untapped levels of focus become available to me. I finish my activity feeling more calmed and at peace than when I started, even if I didn't feel particularly anxious or stressed out to begin with. High intensity exercise leaves me feeling accomplished, focused, and ready to take on whatever else the day has for me.

Today, evaluate your past experiences with exercise to discover where your optimal activity intensity level is.

NEAT!

Take the stairs, park farther away from the grocery store, adjust your TV volume manually instead of with a remote...we've all heard these tips (and lots of similar ones) when the topics of weight loss and healthy living come up. There seems to be this impression that if you just make these little changes to burn a few extra calories each day, you'll lose weight and get healthy lickety-split. This is one of those "yes, and no" kind of issues. Does burning extra calories contribute to weight loss and health gain? Yes. Does it take a surprisingly small amount of expended calories to create a difference? Sometimes. Is parking farther away from the store going to make you healthy and skinny? Probably not.

Today we're talking about NEAT - that is, Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis. 

Okay, let's start with some vocabulary. 

Thermogenesis is, simply, the production of heat. Usually when we're talking about thermogenesis, we're talking about the process that produces heat in a human or animal body. Thermogenesis burns calories. 

So, non-exercise activity thermogenesis is just an activity that isn't planned exercise, but burns calories anyway. It's important to burn off extra calories throughout the day so you're keeping your metabolism even, but regular NEAT can also boost your mood, improve your mental clarity, and help you to maintain a positive mental and emotional state. These simple activities can also bring more fun into your life and help you to boost heart and circulatory health. Having trouble sleeping? NEAT requires your body to use more energy throughout the day, increasing the chance that you'll be tired enough for your body to naturally achieve restful sleep when it's bed time 

Today, get more NEAT into your day. Need some ideas? Try:

• Turning on the music! Studies show that our bodies naturally respond to music with more activity in more of the large muscle groups. So turn up your tunes while you're cleaning, cooking, driving, and working!
• Take an extra lap around the store. You know you wanted to look at that thing over in that one section anyway, so head on over there and then take the circuitous route back to the check stand. 
• Stand up and walk around during commercials. Even TV time can turn into NEAT time if you make sure to stand up and move during the commercials. Get some water, check your thermostat, load the dishwasher - anything other than stuffing more calories in! If you're working on getting your whole family healthier, this is a great time to have everyone stand up, stretch, and wiggle together.

  

Savings - Part 2

Robert Kiyosaki teaches people to take calculated risk, leverage good debt, and think like a business owner so they can stop relying on a job for income. Dave Ramsey, on the other hand, teaches people how to create financial health with less risk, get rid of debt, and create a healthy retirement income for themselves without relying on employer contributions. 

Ramsey talks to the working man or woman who has little resources, no desire to start a business, and an oppressive amount of financial hardship to deal with. He shows them how they can be debt free, gain a better sense of security, and prepare for retirement, all on the income they're currently drawing. For that reason, he is naturally a more conservative voice financially. When Ramsey talks about your savings account, he addresses it as something you should be putting as much as you can into as often as you can spare it. Rather than make it a priority over paying basic bills, he teaches that it's a project you chip away at a dollar or two at a time if you only have a dollar or two to spare. 

Once you have your savings account built up, he recommends that you leave it alone. Just let it sit there until you have a real emergency that you can't otherwise handle with your budget. Then, put every extra dollar into your savings to build it back up again. 

We'll talk more at length about Ramsey's methods when we get into dealing with debt, since that is his main focus in his teaching. 

Whatever method you're using, saving is important. Having a savings account provides the cushion to fall on if something unexpected happens so that the little hiccoughs in life don't completely destroy your financial stability. Experts agree that this cushion should be - at minimum - six months' income. Some say never stop adding to your savings, some say cut it off and add money to some other fund or project after you have your six months' income. 

I, personally, think that you should always be adding to your savings account. Ten percent of your income, off the top, should be going into an account for the unexpected and I believe that you should do this throughout your whole life. Ten percent to God, ten percent to savings. After all, you give that much to the IRS, why wouldn't you put it toward your future. 

In all fairness, I have to admit to you that Jared and I are pretty horrible about this one and currently don't have a dime in savings. Today's action step is for me more than it is for you, but I'm sure you'll benefit from making and following a savings plan just as much as I will. 

Saving Part 1

First off, I am so sorry for not posting yesterday! I'm still adjusting to the way my marathon training schedule affects the rest of my day, and I did not do a good job of getting everything done yesterday.

So far our talks about financial health have covered creating and sticking to your budget. Now let's talk about some of the non-bills that should be a regular part of that budget, starting with a savings fund.

Dave Ramsay, Robert Kiyosaki, and most - if not all - of the other financial experts in our country agree that having a savings account you regularly contribute to is a must. How much should be in your savings account? That's up to you. The suggested minimum is six months of living expenses, but if you need a year or two of living expenses instead for the sake of your own peace of mind then there's no reason to stop adding to your savings even a penny before you reach that goal.

Kiyosaki and Ramsay do differ on which priority spot your savings should have in your budget. Kiyosaki, who made his fortune on smart risks and thinking (and then teaching others to also think) like an investor, says that savings is a higher priority than any bill. Ramsay on the other hand, who made his fortune on teaching people how to take control of their finances and climb out of debt, says that you contribute to your savings as though it were one of your bills but that it's closer to the bottom of the prioritized budget - with your credit card minimums. Let's look at those two mindsets. Today we'll focus on the Kiyosaki mindset of saving before you pay your bills, and tomorrow we'll explore the Dave Ramsay mindset.

To understand why Robert Kiyosaki teaches what he does, you have to understand that his goal and focus is to teach people how to use the free enterprise system we have in this country to create better lives for themselves. He focuses heavily on managed risk, good debt, and especially on business ownership, because he believes that you can't ever really be control of your destiny and your life until you don't *have* to work for someone else. The idea of working in someone else's business 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year, for 40 years, is personally unacceptable to him. He grew up poor, but his best friend's dad was a businessman and someone I would call an empire builder. This man, his "rich dad" taught him how to think for himself in a way that would guarantee his success no matter what field he went into later.

For more on that amazing story, and to better understand Kiyosaki's methods and history, check out his Rich Dad, Poor Dad series.

Robert Kiyosaki teaches in his books that you should think of yourself as an independent contractor instead of as an employee. He says this is crucial to being a successful business-person down the road. What does this really mean? It means that you start seeing your time/paycheck exchange as just that. You trade your valuable time for a paycheck, so why not give that time to the person who's going to give you the highest return? When you see yourself as an independent contractor instead of just an employee, your world opens up. You start being able to see whether the return you're getting is really worth the effort you're expending.

If you're thinking about yourself as a business owner or an independent contractor, your money priorities shift. I can say this from experience! When we were employees, our first priority was our mortgage/rent, then all of our bills, and then we tithed, gave to charity, ate and took care of our basic needs and other desires from the leftovers. Switch to a business owner mindset and the whole thing shifts.

As a business owner your business depends on your ability to perform. Since that's true, your first priorities for where your money goes are those line items that lend to your performance. For Jared and I, priority number one is and always will be God, so we make sure that our tithe and charity commitments are fulfilled before anything else. After that it's the bills for the services that keep our business making money (like our phone and internet bills), then the things that keep our health up so we can continue to work (like healthy foods, and supplements), then the things that allow us to advance our business (like marketing), and everything else falls in place after that based on urgency and current resources. We operate this way even in months when our cash flow is less than normal because we know that we can't increase our cash flow unless we can do business, do it well, and do more of it.

In the beginning, that did mean there were months we didn't pay the water bill unless the paper was pink.

Is it risky to handle your finances this way? Yes. Is it a little stressful for me, as a woman, to know that finances are being handled this way? Yep. However, as a business owner a big part of what we do is managing risk and using stressful situations to motivate us forward. If we hadn't seen a few pink bills in those beginning months, I don't know that we would have had the motivation to continue growing past the bare minimum we needed to survive. It is with this understanding that Kiyosaki advises his readers to handle their finances the way he does. As he says it, you'll never advance if you're always living on what's left over after other people have laid claim to your cash. Pay yourself first, even if that means you get a few of those whiny letters from the credit card companies. Use your cash wisely and use the pressure from your creditors to spur you on to bigger and better things.

I'd like to take a moment and say that this is not a method for the faint of heart, those lacking in organization or personal discipline, or those who do not currently have a vehicle they can put cash into so that more cash comes out. If you're just working a job, and that's the one and only thing you have right now to give you income, you might be better off with Ramsay's method. We'll discuss what that is tomorrow. For today, take that budget back out of the files and compare it to your personal priorities. Number each line item in order of priority, and then make sure that's the order in which you're paying those bills.

Budgeting Part 3: Sticking to your budget

You've written down your expenses and income, slashed where necessary, used the new numbers to create your monthly budget, and started looking at where your options are for improving your income. Now comes the hard part: Sticking to the plan.

When I first started working with a budget, this was honestly the hardest part for me. For some reason having something on paper that said there was no extra money this month for trinkets or pizza (or a car repair) caused me to be able to think about nothing other than how much I wanted that trinket, or how badly I was craving pizza (and yes, I even caused us to need a car repair that month).

The truth is that a budget is a semi-artificial confinement and some people just aren't naturally good with those. The pint of ice cream says "Servings per container: approximately 8" and who honestly takes 8 whole days to eat it? No one I know. Not a single person I know respects the artificial limit of a 1/4 cup ice cream serving. It's part of why we've decided to just not keep ice cream in the house.

Artificial limits are hard to follow, especially when they're self imposed. With a budget you have the hard limit of how much money you make each week or month but the rest of it is, honestly, all you. If you're like me, that's going to be hard. It's going to be a learning curve. You might even get it wrong for a few months and end up floating a bill or two to compensate. This isn't ideal, but don't beat yourself up over it. You're learning.

I found it especially helpful in the beginning to see the budget as a guideline. It was my plan. Plans change sometimes, because plans are largely circumstantial and have to be fluid to survive those situation-based changes. However, I did eventually have to learn to crack down on myself and say things like "That's not in the budget right now, but I'll keep it in mind and we'll work it into next month." How?

Most importantly, I had a reason to. When we operate with our budget we usually find ourselves with a little extra at the end of the month, which can be put into larger projects that we want to accomplish. I also found that when we operate within our budget the month goes more smoothly, I'm less stressed out all the time, and we can focus on doing what we need to do so we continue increasing our income - which leads to us having more and more money to work with. For me, that's motivating! It's become a score card. Every month we end with extra becomes more points accumulated in my mental game.

Second, I had accountability. Is this starting to sound familiar? If I was the only one I was accountable to for my budget, I never would have stuck to it. Not in a million years. I just wasn't important enough to myself for me to stay accountable to myself - and if we hadn't gotten things like our budget in order, I never would have developed the self image to be self accountable. Fortunately, I wasn't alone. I had my awesome and supportive husband (who, it turns out, is already great at this). He was by my side and as willing to help keep me on-track with our goals in this area as he has in every area. I love that man. He's been amazing for me. I also had our business mentor who we voluntarily open our budget to every month as well as the spending for the previous month so he can show us where we can improve. It's part of our plan to increase our income so it matches and exceeds the dreams we have for our lives, and he's been an invaluable resource in this area. I appreciate having someone who has the wisdom of experience and is so willing to help us.

Third, I had a method. There's a lot to be said for a good method. In the course of my learning I applied two methods, one I used more briefly than the other for convenience sake.

Method one: The cash envelopes method.

You've probably heard of this. Dave Ramsay talks about it a lot. The cash envelopes method is pretty straightforward: At the beginning of the month you pull out cash for all of the things you personally would be paying for in a month by handing your card or a check to someone. Divide this cash according to your budget, and put it in labeled envelopes. Some expenses go in envelopes labeled by category and also by week. Then, you only spend what's in the envelope. If your groceries are going to come to $70 for the week and you only have $50 allotted that week, you figure out a way to leave some things off your grocery list. On the flip side, if your groceries only come to $50 for a week and you've allotted $70, that extra $20 gets put somewhere else. You may roll it into the next week's grocery budget, or set it aside for something else.

When I was using this method I put any extra into a big, opaque jar in the back of my pantry. I wanted to get in the habit of consistently spending at or below my budget in the budgeted areas, and I knew that if I saw the cash all the time I would spend it. I had to train myself, and this method worked for me. At the end of the year we had a pretty nice Christmas budget from the random weeks throughout the year when I didn't spend all of the budgeted amount in one category or another. We had the reward of our Christmas activity not having to come out of our normal budget (which meant we didn't have to scrimp in other places to have a nice Christmas).

The cash envelopes method is tried and true for many reasons, a major one being that if you run out of cash in your grocery envelope and the month isn't done, you either go hungry for a few days or eat really unappealing food or really tiny portions for a few days. Either way, you learn fast. It takes an artificial limit and transforms it into a hard limit with its own built-in consequences and rewards.

The second method is an evolution of the cash envelope method that Jared and I have naturally progressed to. Because we own our own business, we have a separate account in which all of our income starts. Every week we take a draw from this account and money gets transferred into Jared's checking. Then, whatever I'm going to be spending money on that week gets tallied up and the appropriate amount gets transferred into my checking. For organization purposes I have multiple checking accounts, each with its own debit card and designated purpose. I send money into each of those accounts as predetermined by our budget, withdraw a certain amount in cash for a specific purpose according to our budget, and then I go about my week. Having things divided this way helps me to stay on-budget by immediately putting the money where it belongs (telling it where to go) before I have a chance to forget about something and spend extra when we don't have it. At the end of the week, any leftovers go into another account - which I access for trinkets and such as the whim strikes - and we start over with a fresh week.

If you're just starting (or just getting back to) being disciplined with your finances, I highly recommend the cash envelopes method. Spend six months to a year operating within the hard limits of a cash-based budget and then re-assess to see if A) you want to change to a different method and B) which method is going to suit your needs best.

Remember, the end goal here is your financial health. Everything we're doing together is going to build you to a progressively better place financially. As you increase your financial health you'll be enabled to live your dreams, fuel your passions, and fund your inner desire to be greatly generous. It all starts here, with learning to control your money.

Increasing Your Income

You've written down your budget. You've slashed the places that need to be slashed. Now you're probably looking at the new budget with one of two thoughts in your mind:

1) Crap. The expenses are still higher than my income.
2) Well now the numbers match, but I can never do anything fun...ever.

Don't lose hope!

We live in a world where the solutions to both of these problems are fairly simple. What you need to do is make more money. It may not sound simple right now. You may be thinking "But I work 80 hours a week already!" or "money doesn't grow on trees!" You're right on both of those. But you're wrong for letting either one stop you.

If you're already busting your butt as much as humanly possible and you still aren't making ends meet, it's time to find a new place to put your effort. Clearly wherever you are isn't valuing your time highly enough. Start looking for a different way to make money - maybe a different job, maybe starting your own company, there's plenty of options out there. Be polite where you are and still give them your best effort while you're working there. But don't take on extra responsibilities. If you're busting your butt with an employer and what they're paying you isn't enough to live on, it's time to give them only what they're paying you for and spend the rest of it on finding another option.

On the other hand if you've got more time in your day that could be put toward other moneymaking activities - even just a few hours a day - start looking at options you can add to what you're already doing. Maybe you also need to switch jobs, or maybe you have a skill that you can use to start your own business and work part-time for a while. Whatever the case, let your productive hours be productive. As my mentor says "The first 8 hours of the day are what you spend making a living, the second 8 hours of the day are what you spend creating your life."

Here's some tips for this part of the game:

• Do not rush into this decision! You don't want to jump at the first opportunity that comes by just because it's the first opportunity that comes by. We live in a world packed with opportunities, but we also live in a world packed with scams and time wasters clothed like opportunities. Work closely with your mentor on this one. Be sure to read financial books so you know what you need and what you're looking for - I highly recommend the works of Dave Ramsay and Robert Kiyosaki. Both men are financial geniuses in our world and if you're attentive they can teach you everything you need to know about increasing your income wisely.
  
• Don't snub an opportunity because of hearsay. Multilevel marketing, direct sales marketing, network marketing, these are all terms that refer to the same type of opportunity. Some companies in this category are better than others, but all of them have someone who basically hates them and has told everybody they ever came into contact with all the reasons to hate these companies. Do your own research. Listen to people who are experts in the field, and read Robert Kiyosaki's book Business of the 21st Century so you better understand the role that these types of companies play in our economy today and in creating more income for yourself.
  
• Take classes and utilize the free resources available. Financial planners are happy to sit down with you and go over what you're doing to recommend a best course of action. Often, they'll do this for free the first time. Don't cheat them out of their commission by going from planner to planner to get all of the free sessions possible, but don't be afraid to use that first free session as a launching point. Always be learning, and keep an open mind. If you knew everything there was to know about finances, you wouldn't be in a financial tight spot.
  
• Take risks wisely. Quitting your job altogether because a better one might be on the way isn't very wise. On the other hand, switching to a job that pays less temporarily but has good advancement options and will give you more time to work on your other income streams may be a risk worth taking. It's all about where you are, what you can handle, and what you can realistically expect to happen in the situation. I've mentioned this before, work closely with your mentors on this one. 

Is this everything you need to know about making more money? Nope. I don't know everything there is to know about making more money. But what I do know is that it's possible and it's simpler than you might think at first. I know this from experience. Two and a half years ago my husband and I were flat broke, in debt, on unemployment, getting rejected time and again for jobs, and there was no way the trickle of money from the government was going to be able to pay our bills. Then, my husband's previous employer pulled a bastard move and contested my husband's right to be on unemployment with an argument that was just good enough for the court to agree and order us to pay back what little we had received to that point. We couldn't even afford the 15 cent package of ramen noodles some nights. 

That year we started a business and matched his income, in the second year we doubled it, and we have a goal to double it again this year. And that's not our only source of income, because we understand the value of having multiple faucets turned on in our lives. It's not always easy, but it really is so simple. Take heart, take control of your life and your future, and go find a way to make the money you need. 

Budgeting Part 2.1: Delayed Gratification

By now just about everyone has seen the (pretty adorable) video of the kids with the marshmallows. If you haven't, it's pretty funny to watch. The kids are told "here's a marshmallow. You can eat it now, or you can wait. If you wait, I'll bring you another marshmallow when I get back."

Then they have to wait.

The kids have all sorts of reactions. Some kids snag that marshmallow right away, some wait patiently, and some wait without the patience. Kids lick the marshmallow, play with it, hide it, or even turn away from it altogether. By the time the test administrator gets back with the marshmallow, these kids look like they've just been through the roughest five minutes of their lives. The looks on their faces as they eat their marshmallows are almost as varied as their waiting methods are, from sheer joy to a look of "was that worth it?"

When you're working toward your financial health and you're at a place of trimming the fat in your budget, delayed gratification starts becoming necessary. Delayed gratification is a foreign concept to many people because we live in the world of credit. Can't afford it? No problem, charge it! This mentality leads our waiting 'muscles' to atrophy from a lack of use and eventually we find ourselves in a seemingly bottomless pit of debt because of all the things we wanted and didn't wait for.

My mentors teach that if you want something, you have to earn it. They're multimillionaires and they swear by this idea. It doesn't matter that if they want to they could walk into any car dealership and buy anything off the lot, if they want a new car they set goals for themselves. They don't get that car until they've reached the goal and earned it. This way of living creates a revolving door of victory and reward that empowers them to go forward conquering bigger and bigger goals. It's why they're so successful.

Maybe you're at a place in your finances where you've had to cut your entertainment budget back, or maybe you've had to cut it out altogether, in the interest of paying off debts and keeping your bills paid. It's a hard decision. There's going to be times you wish you had money in the budget to go see that movie or to go out to dinner instead of cooking, and you'll have to practice putting off what you want now for the good you know it will do you in the long run.

We do the same thing with healthy weight loss when we opt out of the cupcake because we know that a handful of nuts will fuel our bodies more efficiently and we know that we want to fuel our bodies efficiently so we lose weight.

With instant gratification we find ourselves with tons of rewards but no victories, in a hole of debt (or the pit of poor health) that gets more difficult to climb out of with every choice to have now and think later. However, with delayed gratification we can use our rewards as motivations. If you're constantly pursuing new goals in order to earn something that you want, you will be constantly moving onward and upward in life. Not only is this good for you mentally, but it's good for your bank account too. People who achieve goals on a regular basis are more likely to excel at work or in business, which leads to greater success in other areas down the road.

In other words: waiting isn't easy, but even a kid can tell you that it's usually worth the wait.

Budgeting Part 2: Deciding where your money goes

You've written down all of the places your money goes each month - including all of the extras - down to the last dollar. You've written down your income (including any government assistance, retirement income, disability, etc). If you're like most Americans you have at this point come to a shocking realization:

The numbers don't match.

Now what?

Because of credit cards, borrowing programs, the leniency of certain companies (they don't shut your water off if you don't pay for just one month), and a lack of money consciousness, most Americans find that they actually aren't paying all of their bills each month. Or they are, and they're racking up credit card debt one extra at a time. If you're trying to get yourself financially healthy, this can be a depressing realization. Don't lose hope! Now it's time to trim the financial fat.

It's important that your priorities come into play here. It's the only way to see where the fat actually is so you can trim it. For example, our food budget is a little bit high for a family of two. Our business mentor feels that we shouldn't be spending so much money on food and if there was one place he could pick to trim the fat, it would be our grocery bill. However, the choices that we are making in this area are because of where our priorities lie. On top of our commitment to be healthier - starting with losing weight - my husband has some major health challenges that are greatly affected by what foods we eat. Our grocery bill is expensive, but if he eats something that interacts poorly with his body, he's unable to work for days and days. That's easily more expensive than our groceries after just one day, and it jeopardizes our ability to pay other bills. For that reason, our grocery bill doesn't get touched when we're trimming the fat.

Does this mean I spend willy-nilly from the grocery bill? No, absolutely not. It means that I maintain the knowledge that our groceries will, on average, cost more than another family's groceries might. Still, I do my best (and am constantly learning to do better) at being wise with our expenditures. I stock up when it's appropriate and will save us money in the month, I choose which vegetables we eat in a given week based first on the list of foods we eat from right now and second on which ones are most cost effective for the week. If you have an area of your budget that is especially high as compared to a 'normal' family, it becomes especially important that you don't let that line item get bloated.

Where is your financial fat? Maybe because of where your priorities lie and where you are financially right now, you do need to cut out those morning coffees. Or maybe you need to start carpooling to work to cut down on the gas bill. Wherever you have room to make a small change that will create a big difference, do so. This is the part where you take control of your life and finances by deciding where your money is going to go instead of letting it decide for itself.

This won't be easy! I can tell you that I am very emotionally attached to my morning coffee being made from Starbucks coffee grounds! But when you're in a position where fat trimming is necessary, sacrifices have to be made. Trust me, the benefits to your life are right on par with the price you'll pay to get there. If you can trim the fat now, you'll enjoy your leaned out and high-performing life later.

Budgeting Part 1: Knowing where your money goes

Welcome to the financial health portion of our talks!

Whenever I talk about financial health the very first thing I talk about is budgeting. As Dave Ramsey says, one way or another your money is going to leave you. Budgeting is telling it where to go.

Budgeting is actually a very simple process. Write down what you make in a given month (if your income is variable, do this on a weekly basis), write down all of the things that you pay for in that same month, and see if the numbers match. If they don't match, find a way to make them match.

Despite the simplicity of this practice, many people live without a budget. They travel from paycheck to paycheck in a stressed-out mindset because they don't actually know where their money is going. Frequently these same people are spending dozens or even hundreds of dollars every month on things like coffee, fast food, or - heaven forbid - cigarettes, without realizing just how much of their money is being poured into these expenses, all the while wondering why they can never seem to make rent. If your spending feels out of control, if you reach the end of the month and wonder where all your money went, or if you're just wanting to fine tune yourself financially, budgeting is the first place to start.

Step one of budgeting: you have to know where your money is really going. Every single item you spend money on has to be listed somewhere in your budget. When you sit down in front of a blank paper it can be easy to forget about all those little 'extras' that you spend money on throughout the month, but they all need to be accounted for. If not, you'll end up with a situation where your budget is a lie, and there isn't a lie in the world that can help you improve your life.

Knowing where your money is going can be tough at first, but there's a few simple ways to find out. You can keep all your receipts for 30 days and tally up the number at the end, you can keep a written log of every purchase, or you can pull up your bank and credit card statements and see what transactions are listed. If you pay cash for some things, these transaction lists won't be complete. But they'll still give you a good idea of where you're starting from.

Am I saying it's not OK to drink Starbucks? No. If I were to say that, I'd be a hypocrite. What I am saying is that if you're going to drink Starbucks you have to have that in your budget. Some people budget for it specifically, with a line item just for all of their morning coffee. My husband and I budget for it broadly, tossing Starbucks in a category with social lunches and date nights, among other things. This category has a total number that we allot it each week. Budgeting this way allows us a certain flexibility with our extras. If we have an unexpected opportunity to go to dinner with friends at the end of the month, we're not borrowing from the unspent "Starbucks" line to do so. This - for us - is a way of staying honest in our habits. We know that as long as we're not practicing borrowing from one line to pay for another, we'll never find ourselves borrowing from the utilities budget to pay for a trip and then not being able to pay our utilities.

This is another area where you have to know yourself. Does Starbucks need to stay in its own category for you? Great. Know that, and use it.

Today, start your budget by writing down where every dollar of your paycheck goes. Be specific. Be honest. Be thorough.

Fear

We've talked about fear before and about how important it is to face your fears head-on. Today, let's talk practical application. What should your thought process look like when you're afraid? I recently had to stop and specifically pull this process out of my tool belt when I found myself driving just in front of (and then next to) an ex I don't want to see again - and discovered how badly affected I was by the realization that he may frequent the same places that I do. When I used this process for myself I remembered that I hadn't passed it on to you yet, so here it is. I promise, it's a very helpful process and it becomes especially useful when facing the kind of fear that makes you feel paralyzed.

(Source material: The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale, and Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie)

When you are afraid :

1. Admit your fear.

Lying to yourself doesn't help anyone, especially not you. What are you really afraid of? In my case I had to admit that my fear wasn't of running into my ex, but more of what his reaction to seeing me would be.

2. Decide that you don't want to be afraid.

This is an important step. It's not lying to yourself and saying "I'm not afraid" but instead it is saying "I'm afraid, but I don't want to be stuck in this fear emotion forever."

3. Accept that it's possible to not be afraid.

Fear serves a healthy purpose in our lives. It alerts us to danger, even if that danger isn't really a problem. However fear can also become bondage if you let it get a hold on you too strongly and for too long. The Bible says pretty clearly that we're not meant to be afraid. ("For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." "Do not be afraid, but be strong and courageous." "Do not be afraid, I am with you.") In order to properly deal with your fear, you have to accept that it's possible to not be afraid.

4. Assess the rationality of your fear.

We're all afraid of stupid things sometimes. Although it may feel silly at first, we need to make sure we remind ourselves that some things are not worth being afraid of. To do this, we may need to ask ourselves a few questions.

• What's the worst that can really happen if what I'm afraid of happens?
  
  This question reminds us to think rationally and reasonably instead of letting things get out of hand in our minds. In my situation, the worst that could happen was still pretty mild. Despite whatever unfortunate situation my ex and I parted in, he's a fully grown man and he's not stupid enough to try to hurt me. Realistic worst case: He might yell, or say something to hurt my feelings, or spread a rumor about me (to a bunch of people I don't even talk to, since they're all his friends anyway).
• Can I realistically handle it (physically, emotionally, etc) if the worst happens?
  
  Again, this helps us remember not to let things get out of hand. You're an adult. You know (or ought to know by now) what you can handle without becoming physically harmed or turning into an emotional basket case. Don't let your emotional brain convince you otherwise in the moment! In my case the answer was yes. If I run into my ex, and he yells and says something to hurt my feelings and then goes to talk to all his friends about what an awful person he thinks I am...meh. My feelings may be bruised. My adrenaline will probably get going (it always does when someone starts yelling). I may even need to breathe deeply and count to ten before I try to drive. But all in all, I'll be fine.
  
• Is there anything I can reasonably do to avoid or change the thing I'm afraid of?
  
  Reasonable is the key word here. I know it's hard, but when you're dealing with that paralyzing, ice in your veins kind of fear, it's crucial that you bring your logical brain to the playground. Seattle is a big place, and the surrounding areas are big places too. Despite this, people who live in the same general area have a tendency to go to the same general places in that general area (like, for example, the mall). This means that in my case there is no reasonable way for me to avoid running into my ex because it would mean going to entirely different general areas to do anything that I want to do for my life! Nor is it reasonable for me to try to change the situation so I don't have to run into my ex, because that would mean moving to a different general area JUST to get out of having to deal with a potentially icky-feeling situation that isn't actually threatening to me at all.
  
• How likely is it that the worst will happen?
  
  Yes, getting into a car creates the potential that you may hit someone or something, or that someone else may hit you. If this happens you, or someone else, or both, or even a lot of people, could potentially die. HOWEVER, that's statistically improbable and can easily be avoided with attentiveness and calm, responsible decision making.
• Knowing the answers to these questions, is this fear something I should be spending energy on thinking about?
  
  Feeling any emotion strongly takes a lot of mental and emotional energy away from you. Positive emotions also replenish your mental energy so that you end up even more "powered up" because you've experienced them. Negative emotions are just a drain. You don't get anything back from a negative emotion. That doesn't mean we don't feel them, or that we should be suppressing them. It just means that we need to not *dwell* (or focus) on them. Don't let negative emotions waste your time! Some of them are necessary (like grief, which will not go away until you've really worked through feeling it), but some of them are just power drains. Your mental energy is too precious to waste on staying afraid of something that's not worth being afraid of. 

5. Now you know what you're afraid of, that you don't want to be afraid, and that it's possible to not be afraid. You probably also know that being afraid of this thing is basically a huge waste of your time because a) it's not really a big deal, or b) there's nothing you can do about it. Now what?

Pray.

Step 5 is to let go of your fear. This can only happen through prayer. Approach God honestly, in whatever words or tones come naturally to you at the moment. You don't have to stand on ceremony, because when you pray God understands you no matter what. He's your pal, and he likes you just the way you are. My prayer was along the lines of "Okay, so this is especially dumb and I get that. But I'm pretty upset by this because of, well, stuff. And I need your help to..y'know...fix that. Because it's especially dumb to be so upset by this because of...stuff. But I'm upset anyway, because of stuff. And I'm scared. And that's not cool. I know there's psychological reasons and all, but it just feels extra short-bus dumb. Aw shoot, that's offensive to some people isn't it? You know what I'm saying. So, ... help. And thanks."

Again, this may feel silly. But it helps.

6. The final step is to get your mind off of your fear. You've established that it's a waste of your time, so move on to something that's not a waste. Read, or write something, maybe sing a song, or run an errand. Just do something else. Anything at all will do so long as you don't keep calling your fear to mind while you're doing it. I bought yarn. Pondering what colors to put into my next project took my mind right off of being so afraid and allowed me to allow God to take care of it for me. When I mentally "checked in" on whether I was still afraid of this potential situation, I was pleasantly surprised to find that all of my fear and anxiety on the issue is gone. Whether it ever happens or not, it's not really a big deal.

So there you have it. Handling fear in six simple steps, aggregated from the information in two awesome books. Where can you use this process in your life?