What Kind of Life?

After a long hiatus, I'm back again. I'm in learning and researching mode for a while but there's something personal that's been on my mind recently and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. 

There's one question that's been...not quite haunting me, but definitely sticking around. Every now and then it just pops back into my head again, and each time I get a little closer to a definitive answer. The question: What kind of life do I want to live?

 

This question is about more than weight loss, it's about more than money, it's everything. All of it, wrapped together. Physical, mental, spiritual, financial, and emotional all together. Unsurprisingly, my current answer is still mired in the way that I want to relate to food. 

Food has been a big deal for me, pretty much my entire life. Every event, every significant memory, is earmarked or categorized by the food that was present at the time. My whole identity for a really long time has been wrapped up in my relationship with food. That's why it's not surprising that my answer to this question is stuck in this category for now. 

So, how do I want to relate to food? It's a tricky question for me. Unlike my health coach and the real food mom blogs I follow, I don't want to cut out every food that doesn't strictly comply with all of the recommended standards. I don't want to go to parties and avoid the cake because I "can't" or "don't" eat cake. I don't want to crave pizza and never ever satisfy that craving, sticking instead to substitutes that only half do the job but are what I'm left with when I look into the 'healthy foods' category. 

What I do want is for food to be just a piece of my life instead of the whole thing, I don't want my world to revolve around the next meal. I don't want my whole existence to feel hinged on what I'm going to eat next - and that includes the worry and 'what if' that comes with trying to make sure I only ever eat in certain guidelines. 

If I want a piece of cake, I want the ability to eat that piece of cake without feeling any guilt over it. If mealtime is swiftly approaching and I'm on the road, I want to allow myself to choose a salad, or sometimes a cheeseburger and fries, 

And y'know what? I want the same thing for you. 

Bondage is bondage. Whether you're a slave to a master who takes care of you or to a master who abuses you makes no difference, at the end of the day you're still a slave. Junk food is a cruel master, but being enslaved by vegetables isn't actually any better. What kind of a life do I want to live? I want to be free. And I want you to be free too. That's what this journey is really about for me. 

What kind of life do you want to live?

As Unto the Lord

"Clean like Jesus is coming over!"

As a child, that was the battle cry of Saturday afternoon. In a house of six kids and two working parents, Saturday was the only time the real cleaning could happen and my mom had a plan. Like a well-trained general she handed out assignments and then sent us to our tasks with the reminder that cutting corners (or not vacuuming them) wouldn't fly. Do your best, she was telling us. "Do it perfectly" is what I heard. After all, if Jesus was coming over he'd be offended by the lack of organization in my bedroom. Right?

Clearly, I didn't get what Jesus is really all about. I carried this misunderstanding with me into adulthood, often choosing to ignore the mess rather than cleaning it because the idea of cleaning like Jesus was coming over intimidated me. Jesus is perfect, so imperfection would bother him. At least, that's what I thought. This misunderstanding wasn't just applied to cleaning, either. Anything and everything in my life was under scrutiny. I was treating God like a distant and disapproving parent. In my mind he was sitting up in the throne room of heaven, clicking his tongue in disappointment over my lack of self discipline. The image sent me into a spiral of striving for perfection, failing, running away from God in shame over my failure, then striving for perfection again as a way to earn my way back into his good graces. 

Sounds awful, doesn't it? Everything in my life became a train wreck of self pity and guilt, pulling farther and farther away from God because I didn't want him to see me in an imperfect state. "Jesus loves me," I thought, "but he doesn't like me and he wouldn't approve of me." What a sad and alone place to be in! 

The truth is that God loves us just the way we are right this moment. He wants us to become better because he loves us and that love for us gives him a desire to see us at our best. But that love for us also gives him a desire to be with us as we are right now. 

If Jesus was coming over, he wouldn't really care if there were dishes in the sink, or if I'd forgotten to vacuum the floor. My basket of unfolded laundry in the bedroom wouldn't bother him. If Jesus was coming over today, he'd be coming over to hang out with me. He wouldn't be here to judge whether I'm a good wife or whether I'm good at cleaning. He'd sit on the couch with me, maybe even drink some tea, and we'd just talk like old friends do. Because that's how Jesus is. Of all the names the Bible gives to God, the ones that Jesus claimed for himself most often are friend, brother, and companion. This is how his disciples knew him, and it's how he wants us to know him, too. 

Today, take some time to connect with Jesus as a friend. This doesn't have to be ritualistic. You don't have to confess your sins first. Just be who you are, and think of Jesus as your best friend. I think you'll find it's a very relaxing experience.