Preparation

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but any traveler can tell you that taking that step without the proper preparation can be frustrating, futile, and even deadly.

If you want to climb a mountain, you don't just show up at the base of the mountain and start walking. Weeks of preparation and planning go into a climb, with teams of people working extra hard to make sure that the right supplies have been acquired,  the right training has been completed, and the right expectations are set. People die every year in our area because they go hiking on our local mountains without the right supplies or know-how, and they hit a situation they weren't expecting only to find themselves unequipped to survive.

Unlike a mountain climb or even a hike, you don't have to start your health journey today already possessing everything you'll between now and the end of it.  But you do need to be prepared.

How prepared are you this week?

In our busy world preparation becomes especially important to your health. Cooking a healthy meal takes time, cooking several healthy meals in a day takes more time, and if you're unprepared the task can be downright overwhelming. In our busy lives it can feel like we barely have time to eat, much less cook! How do we overcome this? With preparation, and lots of it.

1. Work with a menu.

I don't know about you but for me the hardest part of cooking a healthy meal is often deciding what to cook. Especially when I'm tired after a long day, I find myself staring into the fridge and thinking "What's even in here? Cheese. But cheese isn't dinner. What else is here....broccoli? Yes, broccoli. Broccoli is easy. Now meat. Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? Which one's easier to cook? I'm so tired, why don't have a robotic personal chef to make these decisions for me?"

Enter your menu! Even if you don't follow it strictly, a menu allows you to only stock the fridge and pantry with things you're actually going to eat and it gives you a road map that you can later use for decision making. I find it helpful to stick my menu on the fridge with a magnet and cross off the meals as I make them (which explains why it's Monday and Thursday is crossed off). That way if I'm tired I'm not deciding between components. Instead I can look at the menu and say "Hamburgers with broccoli. Got it."

This also saves you from getting your heart set on a specific dinner only to get home and realize that you don't have a key ingredient and you're too tired to go to the store.

If you need help putting together a healthy menu, there's tons of resources (and even a company that will do it for you!) over at the 100 Days of Real Food blog. Be sure to say "hi" to Lisa for me.

2. Stock your pantry (and fridge, and freezer) with healthy options

Tofu isn't anywhere on my menu, because my husband...basically hates it. Despite this, there's at this moment three packages of tofu in my fridge. Why? 1) It takes forever to go bad, so it can sit there for a while if I decide not to use it. And 2) because if I happen to look at my menu and think "Blech," I know I've got tofu as a fall back option. A little olive oil and salt in a pan turns sliced tofu into a crunchy, crispy, salted slice of deliciousness.

If you're like me, you like to have options. Make sure those options are good for you.

3. Do as much chopping, mixing, and portioning ahead of time as possible

The majority of the time that goes into cooking a healthy meal is the chopping, mixing, portioning, etc. After all, how long does it take to cook a hamburger or steam broccoli? Ten-ish minutes? But all of the steps that come before cooking can be time consuming and messy. The simple solution? Schedule time in for those leading up steps.

I grocery shop every 3 or 4 days, because that's the schedule that works for me. It gets enough food in my fridge that I have options, without putting too much food in there so the options are overwhelming, and it makes my trips to the grocery store quick and efficient. Some people I know shop for a whole month, and my hat goes off to them. I don't have that kind of attention span.

A friend of mine not only shops for the whole month; she does this on a Sunday between church and lunch, and she spends THE REST OF THE DAY chopping, mixing, portioning, freezing (where appropriate), and so on. I swear, I don't know how she does it. She even has kids!

I do things a little differently. When I get home from the grocery store I toss everything - bags and all - into the refrigerator. I let it sit there for a few hours. Then, when it's time for me to make dinner, I pull out all of one item (say, all of the packages of hamburger meat) and prepare it at once. I cook what I need for that meal, portion out the rest, and put it away. Then, while my dinner is cooking, I pull the rest of the groceries out of their bags and organize what I've brought home. It works for me to do things this way because it keeps me from over-sapping my energy and messing something up.

4. PLAN AHEAD

What's today, Monday? Tomorrow's the first, that means I have to work late to finish all that paperwork so I can leave work early on Wednesday for John's doctor appointment. Then I have to run to the pharmacy on the other side of town before Jen's Girl Scout meeting is over. After that there's some parent teacher science fair thing happening. And the kids will still need to do homework before bed, so they'll be extra tired in the morning, so I'll have to wake up early to spend the extra time fighting with them to get up. Then I have to rush to the office for that presentation...which I haven't finished the powerpoint for yet. Shoot. And I still need to take the car in, that check engine light has been on for weeks...

Sound familiar? We all have days like this. Kids or no kids, job or no job, seventeen or seventy five, we all have these days. You've got to know when these days are going to happen so you can be prepared, and you've got to prepare for the days when it's going to happen without you knowing it ahead of time. McDonald's looks mighty tempting when you're busy, so make sure to have plenty of "shelf-stable" snacks on hand wherever you go. I find that roasted nuts or seeds are an excellent option for this, and keeping a case of water in the car as well leaves me with no excuse to swing through the drive thru.

Preparation takes a little extra time, and a little extra thought, but in the long run it will relieve stress and make your life easier in addition to allowing you to continue making healthy choices no matter the circumstance.

Accountability

One of the big ways that coaches are helpful on your journey is that they provide a layer of accountability for you. Especially in week one, it can be VERY difficult to stay on-task with your goals. Humans resist change with everything in them, even if it's change for the better. Having someone to answer to will help you push away temptation in the first week or maybe even the first several weeks.

However, outside accountability is not enough. If you make your decisions based only on outside accountability, over time you will become resentful and rebellious toward the person helping to hold you accountable. You may even find yourself lying to them in order to escape what will feel like an oppressive set of expectations. This doesn't do anything positive for your health and will probably even create a negative effect!

This is why it is so important to have your own goals and reasons for pursuing health in your life. You have to know what's in the deal for you, and you have to believe that your reward is worth the price you will pay. Still, outside accountability is also crucial. You must be a person who keeps your word because if you are not, it will be impossible to see yourself in a positive light and - as we discussed in the Self Image post - your attitude toward yourself ultimately determines your success in any endeavor.

You also cannot only be accountable to yourself, you do need that outside accountability. It is too easy for us to give ourselves excuses - and to accept the excuses we give ourselves! We tell ourselves things like "It's not a big deal if I don't eat healthy today, because I've been eating healthy all month." Then the next day we say "Two days out of a month won't hurt." Suddenly two becomes three and three becomes seven and before you know it you've stacked six months of unhealthy eating up and undone all of the progress you'd already made. It is too easy for us as humans to be too easy on ourselves when it comes to following through on the right habits. We need someone on the outside who loves and encourages us, and who can say "That's your second piece of cake, Laura. Put it down and walk away."

With the right combination of accountability to others and accountability to yourself and your goals, you can do amazing things! Let me give you an example:

I recently committed to finishing a marathon in June of next year. Under the advisement of someone much more experienced than I am and with the permission of those I made this commitment to, I've backed it down to a half marathon because it's my first time doing something like this. I really want to see this through, because marathons and even half marathons have always been in that "other people do this, but I can't" box in my mind. I want to complete the half marathon next year because it's going to be challenging and I want to prove that I can rise to that challenge. I want to prove, for myself, that there isn't this whole category of fun things that I just can't do. That's really important to me. I've made out my training plan and every morning (starting in July) I'm going to get out there and follow my plan no matter what obstacles I have to overcome in order to do it. I'm going to do this for myself, to make myself strong enough to reach my goal.

I am not the only one counting on my ability to follow through with my training schedule. I know that if I only have myself to answer to, it will be very easy for me to sometimes say "I'm tired, I'll do it later today," and then "It's too late, I'll do it tomorrow." Because I know this and because I know that every day in my training schedule counts, I've enlisted other people to help me be accountable. Not only am I accountable to finish the half marathon next June because there's a group of people who are counting on me to do so, but I am also accountable to the many different people who I have promised to train with. It may be easy for me to tell myself "It's okay to rest this week because I did so well last week." But because I am a person who keeps my word, I will not call someone I've promised to train with and say "I'm just feeling tired today. I know yesterday was the day scheduled for rest, but I'm going to take today too." Instead I will show up on time to meet my partners, give it my best effort, and be happy to do so.

There is an added benefit to this dual accountability, and that is the way it lends itself to victory. I know that I will feel much better about myself when I train even if I'm tired than I will if I allow myself to take extra days off. I also know that- all on my own - I'm not committed enough to be able to get out and train every time without help, and that if I only rely on someone else's commitment I will start to resent them for pushing me to be my best. However, if I stay committed to my goal and on the days that my commitment isn't strong enough I lean on the support of the commitment of my friends, I will end every training day feeling accomplished and victorious.

Be an accountable person, both to yourself and to other people. You'll be amazed by the wonders it will work on your self image and your chances for success.

Water

There's a lot of information about the benefit of water to your body, I'll try to summarize it here but this is still going to be a bit of a longer post.

One of the keys to being healthy is drinking lots of water! Water is beneficial to your body for a number of reasons. It helps your kidney and liver function, by helping those organs to flush out so they can better do their job of filtering and purifying our bloodstream and internal fluids. Water also helps to flush fat cells out of the body once they are emptied - which is what happens as you burn fat - helping you to lose size as well as weight. Keeping your body hydrated helps to improve your complexion, lower your internal toxicity,  boost your immune system, improve organ (and especially bowel) function and cell reproduction, and increase mental clarity.

Isn't water amazing?

Various medical sources report various different numbers when saying how much water you should take in on a regular basis. The consensus is that the average American adult needs at minimum 8 eight -ounce glasses of water per waking day (between 6Am and 8Pm). However, as we will discuss more when we get farther into nutritional values and label reading, minimums are exactly that. This "8 by 8" measure that we all know is the barest minimum amount of water we should be getting in order to stay alive. Even then, this number is only (just barely) sufficient if you're not ever sweating at all, not exercising, not ever sick, and not ever taking in any substance that could block water absorption (like caffeine, corn syrup, and MSG). In short, 8 glasses of water is not nearly enough to support the life a fully functioning, active, healthy adult - which is what we're all aiming for, after all.

How much water do you need?

As I mentioned, medical sources disagree on this. I personally have found that I am the most focused, have the most energy, my body functions the best, and my weight loss happens the fastest when I'm making sure to get over 100 ounces of water per day. Specifically I divide my weight by half, and use that as the number of ounces of water I drink per day. It's wonderful! It's hard at first, especially if you're starting where I did at over 150 ounces per day! Now I drink water almost constantly, and it feels just as natural as breathing.

Word of caution: Drinking more than 64 ounces of water in a given one-hour period has the potential to slightly dilute your blood, which will make you light-headed and a little loopy. Be careful with your spacing, but always be sure to get enough water!

With how wonderful water is for your body, it might surprise you that not just any water will do! Tap water today contains chemicals like chlorine for purification as well as fluoride for tooth and enamel protection. Both of these are what I consider necessary evils. However in most cities the water also contains trace amounts of other chemicals like arsenic, and minerals like iron. In my area the tap water contains "trace amounts" of granite! By law you receive a notice of what's in your local tap water and you may notice words like "nonlethal dosage" but these words also apply to that 8 eight-ounce glasses idea. Personally, I wouldn't take the risk and so I don't drink unfiltered tap water. I'm just not okay with gambling my life on the idea that a government-funded purification system is going to do a good enough job getting all the bad stuff out of my water.

Long story short, you need filtered water. There's plenty of fine options, from systems that attach directly to your faucet to pitchers and water bottles with filters inside of them, and also filtered water in bottles. Some refrigerators have a filter in them but keep in mind that these still need to be changed and cleaned regularly to avoid mold accumulation.

I have a personal policy against mentioning brand names on my blog when I'm not getting paid for the mention but I do have a few favorite brands and products, based on my research. Email me for a recommendation!

Here's some key things to keep in mind about bottled water:

> "Bottled at the source," "Natural spring water," and "Mountain fresh" are all marketing terms for "Boiled but not filtered."

> The more times water has been filtered the better - to an extent. There are some necessary nutrients and minerals found in water that can be taken out in the filtration process. If a water has been filtered many times it needs to also have that good stuff added back in - your keyword here is "re-mineralized."

> Check the label of bottled water to make sure that the plastic is BPA free. If you can't see this on your label, turn the bottle over. On the bottom there's a recycling triangle with a number in it. This number indicates the number of times that the plastic has been recycled - which is an indicator of how many different plastic chemicals may be released into your water. Plastic can only be recycled so many times before the base chemical makeup is compromised to the point that it can no longer be safely or legally used in food packaging. The smaller that little number is, the healthier your bottle is for your water. I recommend sticking only with the water bottles that have 1 as that number, and you should never ever drink or eat out of a plastic container with a number at 5 or higher!

> Even with water you must read labels. It's crooked in my opinion but some companies add chemicals, sweeteners, and extra sodium to their water. Some extra sodium isn't a problem, but generally I'd advise you to stick with a water that reads a "0%" daily value of sodium.

> Trust your taste buds! If water tastes bitter or sweet it's a possible indication that the pH (scientifically that's "potential of Hydrogen" - in layman's terms, acidity) balance is off. You want a bottled water with a pH balance of 7 or higher because this will lend to a healthy environment in your body. Without pH testing strips it can be hard to tell what the balance is but I have found that - especially as I get healthier - water with a pH balance in the Alkaline category simply tastes better.

When should you drink water?

All day!

Start your first glass of water first thing in the morning. Before you do anything else (except maybe pee and weigh yourself), drink 8 to 16 ounces of water. Then, wait 30 minutes before having breakfast. At night some of your bodily functions speed up - like cell reproduction - and some of them slow down - like digestion. Drinking this first cup of water and then waiting will help your body to understand that it's time to wake up and start functioning normally again. This is especially important as you're first changing your diet to be in line with a healthier lifestyle because constipation is common at the beginning of such changes (we'll talk about why later) and this practice can help alleviate or even avoid this issue.

After that first glass, drink lots of water all the time. I have an app on my phone that dings at me every hour. If I haven't already finished a bottle of water that hour I make sure to take a time out and drink a bottle of water before I do anything else. You can find many apps for tracking and timing your water consumption as well as your exercise and weight loss on your phone's app market - and most of them are free! Find the one that works best for you.

Before, during, and after meals. Studies show that drinking 8 ounces of water before a meal can improve digestion and help your body get the greatest nutritional value from your food, and drinking at least 8 ounces of water during and after your meal will help the soluble fibers (from vegetables) dissolve and proteins expand so your body can get the most out of them. This will also help you feel fuller and thus more satisfied with a smaller portion.

Try to stop drinking 2 hours before you go to sleep. As we'll discuss later, sleep is very important to your health and you don't want to compromise on that by putting yourself in a position to be up all night using the bathroom again and again!

Certainly this is not all the available information about water and how it relates to your health, it's truly a fascinating and extensively researched subject! But this is what you need to know as you're starting to get healthy. Don't worry about getting it perfect on the first day. Just work on integrating more water into your daily life as a healthy habit.

Favorite Things

My husband said that I should share my reversioned song with you, so here it is. Keep in mind that these are not all things that I have currently, and they aren't *all* of my favorite things.

My version of this song reminds me to be happy for today, for tomorrow, and for all the tomorrows to come.

Polka-dot panties and long flowing dresses,
A wait staff I pay to clean up all my messes,
A personal chef and some glittering rings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cool summer mornings and warm cups of coffee,
A houseful of kids who will all call me mommy,
Little girls' laughter, the songs that they sing,
These are a few of my favorite things.

In the darkness,
In the hard times,
When I'm feeling sad, 
I'll choose to remember my favorite things, 
And then I won't feel so bad!

Long springtime road trips and winter vacations,
Swimming with dolphins and great conversations,
Seeing the homes of my ancestors' kings, 
These are a few of my favorite things.

Shopping in mall stores instead of on websites,
Store bookshelves lined with all the books that I'll write,
Helping my friends to achieve all their dreams,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the path is
Hard to follow, 
When I've lost my way, 
I'll remember with joy all my favorite things
And I know I'll win the day!

And as someone recently told me: "Never be embarrassed of what makes you happy!"

Week One

When you first begin your health journey, and you start with weight loss, week one is the most difficult week. In response to getting fewer calories than it is used to, your body will begin to cry out for foods that you haven't even thought about in years. If you're like me, and you have a physical addiction to sugars or carbohydrates that has helped you get to where you are today, you'll find yourself irritable and even depressed this week.

If you've ever quit cigarettes, this is going to feel really familiar.

If you're like me - and most of America - a lot of your reasons for enjoying food are 90% emotional. Maybe certain foods are connected to good memories, or remind you of a place or person that you miss. In week one you will be battling the worst part of both the physical addiction and the emotional habit. I don't have any comforting words for you. In my first week my husband endeavored to stay away from me for as much of the week as possible because I was so grumpy that even his attempt to be nice and put his own dishes in the sink would somehow lead to me picking a fight with him.

One time my cravings got so bad that I felt like I was physically in pain. Your body is an amazing machine and it will do amazing things to get what it thinks it wants. Desperate for the highest calorie item on the Shari's menu (CinnaStation french toast, which is french toast made from a giant cinnamon roll), I picked a fight with my husband about whether it would really be bad for me to just have this meal one last time. I was so focused on it, I actually threw a fit like a child! Tears and everything. "You just don't understand!" I told him. He took me out for steak instead and after dinner I felt much better about not having gotten my french toast - even if I was a little emotionally sad about it.

Some people find it helpful to drink a LOT of extra water while they're in this phase. I hope you find this helpful, but it didn't work for me. Some people just keep their mind off of food as much as possible. For me, chocolate cake consumed my every thought.You may want to add an extra 100-calorie meal into your plan for this week, or an extra portion of protein. I found it was helpful to eat every two hours at first instead of every three hours, and an extra protein serving worked wonders for me. We all have different struggles, because we all have different backgrounds that have lead us to this place. The good news is that we are all still humans in human bodies and human bodies do, eventually, learn new habits to replace the old ones.

This week may be internally the most difficult week of your life.

It is especially important to stay connected with your health coach and your support system during this first week. Talk to your health coach every day, keep a journal or a blog of your feelings and thoughts, and call up one of your cheerleaders at the end of the day so you can hear someone say they're proud of you. It really, really helped me to hear my husband at the end of the day tell me that it would get better, that I was doing well, and that I would laugh about this once I had shed my first 50 pounds.

He was right, by the way. It gets better. And 82 pounds later, I laugh. I laugh at the silly girl who cried over french toast, and how much it felt like I would die if I didn't get chocolate cake, and how easy it was to make me angry over anything else because I was really upset with myself for needing so much support in the first place.

Today, think about why your body craves the things it does. Have you trained yourself to turn to chocolate when you're lonely? These are the things that will make it especially difficult for you to stay in line with your commitment in week one. Do what you can to distract yourself. If you turn to junk food when you're sad, surround yourself with things that make you happy (I even rewrote the "favorite things" song from The Sound of Music). Drink lots of water, stay connected to your coach, and remember: This, too, shall pass.

On a personal note

Tonight I had the pleasure of sharing a brief overview of my weight loss journey so far with the wonderful Leading Ladies Toastmasters group. What an easy and encouraging group to share with! They've welcomed me with open arms and have been nothing but uplifting since day one. So to all the wonderful ladies from my Toastmasters group: Thank you. I love you all. And I am so very happy that so many of you have invited me to help you take control of your health!

Weight shedding

If you're overweight, the very first step to taking your physical health into your own control is weight shedding. We all know, on a very basic level, how to do this. Fat accumulation and fat removal are each a
simple equation of calories in vs. calories out. We all know this. What is the most effective way to drop pounds? Diet and exercise. Even the children in America today know that.

So why are we all so fat?

The fact of it is that yes, diet and exercise are the most effective way to trim the fat. However, there's so much conflicting information out there that it can be hard to know what diet and exercise you should be employing. Throw in a healthy dose of "everybody's body is different" and you've got a perfect recipe for repeated failure and frustration.

I know. I ran that hamster wheel for the better part of 13 years, steadily gaining weight the whole time. So what's different about this time? Why have I been able to actually see as much success as I have (did I mention I've shed 80 pounds since January?) and why am I so convinced that these results will last?

Science, my friends. Pure science.

You see each of our bodies are different in many ways, but each of our bodies is still a human body and human bodies - scientifically - respond in certain ways to certain factors.

For example, when insulin levels and blood sugar levels are spiking and dropping throughout the day, the human body will respond by storing every nutrient (and especially the sugars) that it can get its hands on. When calorie intake is lower than your calorie output and this insulin and blood sugar spike and drop is happening, a human body will respond by simultaneously storing all of the sugars it can spare and breaking down your muscle for additional sugars.

See? Science.

So how does a human body trim the fat most effectively?

Legally, I have to preface this recommendation with the statement that I am not a doctor and you should always check with your doctor before starting any diet or exercise program.

1. Eat every 2-3 hours. It's the schedule babies are on for a reason. Within 3 hours everything you've eaten has either been broken down and used/stored as fuel, or it's gone through your system and queued up in your intestines for later removal. After this 3 hour mark (2 for some people), the human body is finding itself once again in need of fuel and those muscles of yours start to look really tasty.

2. What you eat is very important. You want to make sure that a few key macronutrient groups are satisfied. For example, you want 10 to 15 grams of protein per "meal," as well as no more than 15 grams of carbohydrates. you only want 100 to 110 grams of calories, less than half of those calories should be from fat, and you want to keep your sugars for each meal in a moderate category - no more than 7 or 8 grams of sugar per meal. This does mean staying away from foods that are high in natural sugars for a while, like fruit. If you need help knowing how to do this and still get the right nutrients from your food, email me and I'll send you a PDF that will help.

This is where meal replacements come in really handy. Make sure to do your research and double check the nutritional chart on the back of anything packaged that you eat. We'll talk about why another time but you want to avoid high fructose corn syrup or corn syrup solids, aspartame, mono sodium glutemate (MSG), and maltodextrin, along with other chemicals and any food dyes. Find a meal replacement that is as "clean" (or natural) as possible and contains a range of nutrients. Don't believe a "natural" or "organic" label, always check the back of the package!

If you need a recommendation for a meal replacement product to use, send me an email at LauraGMcQuade@gmail.com and I'll send you a link to the ones I've been using.

You also want to make sure that you're getting an adequate serving of lean protein outside of a meal replacement, as well as a good amount of vegetables, and the right serving of healthy fats.

What's "adequate," "good," and "right," in this context? You can either do the research for that one yourself (I think you'll find it fascinating) or you can work with a health coach like me who already knows what these proper portions are.

3. Don't overtax yourself. The way that I've shed so much weight so quickly is by following carefully the instructions in step two, with an understanding of the science, the daily backing of my health coach, and the approval of my doctor. Always check with your doctor before starting something new. If you need an easy way to explain to your doctor the method I'm recommending, email me and I'll send you a PDF that you can bring with you to your next appointment. Once you've gotten approval from your doctor make sure that you are not drastically reducing your calorie intake and at the same time going "hardcore" on your workouts. For the first few weeks, you'll want to dial back your workouts to something that doesn't even make you sweat, and then gradually increase again after that, listening carefully to what your body is telling you about your limits. If your workouts are causing you mad cravings, dial them back! Cravings are a sign of either an addiction (like a carb addiction) or that your body is missing out on something it needs (like enough calories to handle that 12 mile run you just attempted).

In all of this, I cannot possibly put enough stress on the importance of a health coach like myself (or someone else who is actually trained to be a health coach). Trained health coaches can help you identify where your nutritional needs are, where your physical limitations are, and how to healthfully move forward on your journey. They provide encouragement on the dark days and celebration on the easy ones. My health coaches have become some of my best friends, and they're a priceless resource in my personal journey.

Today, do some research. Most products have a facts sheet that can be found online, so compare several different options for menu planning and/or meal replacement, and find the best one. As always, if you need help, send me an email.

Honesty

Good morning and happy Monday!

Today we're starting in on our practical application portions, beginning with our physical health. Are you feeling good about this? I sure am!

Taking your physical health in hand requires: 1) A soul-wrenching reason, 2) The right information, 3) A guide and encourager, and 4) Honesty.

We've talked about one and three before. Later on we'll talk about number two. Today, we're talking about honesty. Taking your physical health in hand requires a lot of honesty, even brutal honesty, because you can only move forward in this area (and in any area) once you really, honestly know where you stand. That's why I gave you most of last week to work on self-assessing. I want you to start with a good foundation and a big chunk of that has to be you being honest with yourself about where you're really starting from.

I know I've touched on this topic before, so why am I bringing it up again?

Over the past week I've had the privilege of hanging out with some truly wonderful people. We laughed together, we talked about life together, and in our time together I saw a heartbreaking commonality: Most of them were overweight, and honestly believed they were as healthy as they could be. More than that, they resented the suggestion that what they "know" about health may be wrong, or that it may be irrelevant before they've lost weight and gotten to a healthy place physically.

I wanted to see why this happens, and if it was unique to the group of people that I was hanging out with, so I went into the world and had conversations with complete strangers who were also (as far as I could tell) wonderful people and were also convinced that they were healthy despite being overweight.

Over and over again I've had people look me in the eye and say "You've lost 80 pounds since January? Good for you! But you know, you really should be (insert "healthy" behavior that they are practicing without losing any weight, feeling any better, reducing any medications, or actually improving their lives in any way)."

Or, what's worse, "You've lost 80 pounds since January? That's just not healthy. You must be sick, you should check with your doctor."

Over and over again this week I have talked with overweight people who are clearly struggling with normal life (breathless in the grocery store, can't bend over to pick up something they've dropped, dealing with severe back pain) and after hearing that I have studied the science behind health and why our bodies work the way they do through a course at Villanova University, they immediately brush off anything I say as wrong because it isn't what their aunt or cousin or grandma or - heaven forbid - Dr. OZ said to do. "Dr Oz said to only cook with coconut oil" they'll say, right after I talk about the benefits of using olive oil as a healthy and lean fat portion when cooking lean meats. "My grandma lost 20 pounds and all she did was stop eating meat," they'll tell me, when I talk excitedly about how your body uses protein to boost your metabolism, regulate your insulin levels, and build muscle.

My dear friends, allow me to be honest with you. If you are overweight, you are not healthy.If you are overweight and not losing any weight, it is safe to assume that everything you think you know about health is either a lie or it doesn't apply until after you're at a healthy weight. It doesn't matter that you're eating organic, that you participate in marathons, that you take a daily dose of supplements, that you only cook with coconut oil or that you don't eat any dairy at all. No matter what you're doing in your life, if you are overweight you are not healthy. Hands down. It's a fact. No matter what your daily habits if you are not actively shedding pounds and you are overweight, your lifestyle is unhealthy.

Drinking fresh squeezed orange juice to lower your risk of heart disease doesn't matter when you're forcing your heart to live in constant stress because you're carting around an extra person inside your skin. Drinking a lot of water to flush out your kidneys is almost pointless when they're so busy dealing with the toxins stored in 150 pounds of fat cells (and believe me, there are indeed toxins stored there). Participating in marathons doesn't count if you're forcing your joints and organs to deal with the stress of extra weight.

If you're overweight, you're unhealthy. And if you're not losing weight, you need to change your lifestyle before you start telling anyone else what is and isn't healthy, or disregarding what someone who is actively getting healthier tells you about health. Because the fact of the matter is that if you're unhealthy and not changing in the direction of gaining better health then you don't know enough about health to tell anyone else what they should or should not be doing, nor do you have the expertise to ignore and contradict someone who is doing it.

My dear friends, let's be honest. Let's not hide behind our gimmicks and excuses. Let's not trust a television personality more than the live person in front of us who is experiencing success and gaining health. Let's recognize where we stand, truthfully, and work together to move in the right direction.

This fact applies to all areas. If you're not mentally at peace you have no business telling someone what is mentally healthy. If you're not financially secure you'd better just keep your mouth shut about what is and isn't a smart idea financially. In all areas of life, if you're not there or actively showing positive results on your path to getting there, you have no right to say anything to anyone on the subject. Nor are you in a position to ignore and dismiss what is said by those who are at that place or showing results on their path to that place.

Once you are truly honest with yourself your soul wrenching reason will reveal itself, your quest for the right information will get so much easier, and you will be able to see who in your life can guide and encourage you on your path. It all starts with honesty. It has to. Otherwise, you'll find yourself with a phony reason, a gimmick, and a scam artist.

Today, review that self assessment you wrote down and make sure you're being honest with yourself. If anything in that assessment is a lie, scratch it out and change it. You can only make sustainable forward progress when you start by being truly honest with yourself about where you're starting in the first place.

Self Assessment

Do you know where you stand?

Do you really, really know?

The last two and a half weeks of posts have been all about preparing you to start your journey. We've been talking about some of the basic mindset changes you'll need to make as you get started. Now, it's time to step back and realize where you're starting from. It's true that you can't expect to have a good time on a road trip if you don't know where you're going, but it's also true that you can't expect to get to the right place if you don't know where you're starting from.

So where do you stand?

I'd like to give you the rest of the week for this one. Take some time, and I mean a serious amount of time, to really assess where you are right now in our focus areas. Where is your physical health? Where is your mental and emotional health? Where are your finances? Where is your relationship with God? Take a hard, realistic look at yourself and write down where you are in each of these areas. This is your starting point, your blue dot on the GPS. Then, once you have all of the details of where you are written down, take a look at those goals you wrote down a while ago, and write down the steps you're going to need to take in order to get there. It's okay if you don't know them all. That's a big part of what coaches like myself are here for.

If you already have a coach in your life who can help you in each of these areas, schedule some time with them. Sit down and ask them to fill in any gaps you may have in your self assessment - others can frequently see our current reality more clearly than we can. Ask them also to help you mark out the steps you'll need to take to get to your goal.

If you don't already have a coach, shoot me an email at LauraGMcQuade@gmail.com. I'll be happy to help you.

Once you know where you're starting from, where you're going to, and what that journey is going to look like, you're equipped to succeed! We'll reconvene on Monday with some practical tips, information, and maybe even a few recipes to help you on your journey toward better physical health.

Self Image

Did you know that your self image is really one of the most important factors that determines whether you are successful in life?

Success rises and falls on leadership, leadership rises and falls on influence, influence rises and falls on relationships, relationships rise and fall on attitude, and attitude rises and falls - in large part - on how you see yourself.

If you don't view yourself in a positive light, you won't have a good attitude. With a bad attitude you'll find it nearly impossible to connect with other people and develop relationships. People are only influenced by the people they have relationships with; if you don't have any solid relationships because you have a bad attitude (caused by your poor self image), you will have no influence. Without influence, there is no chance for leadership because people will only follow the people who influence them. Everything worth doing requires a team of people to get it done, and you cannot reach personal success unless you are a leader.

See? Your self image plays a much bigger role in your overall success in life than many people would even imagine!

I want you to understand me. When I talk about having a positive self image, I don't mean being full of bravado. Lying to yourself about how you feel about yourself won't change the fact that your negative self image will cause you to have a crummy attitude. Nor am I talking about being blind to your faults - this is also a bad attitude. You can't go through life thinking you're perfect and expect to be able to have solid connections with the imperfect humans of the world we live in. What I'm talking about is simply this: When you look in the mirror, do you like the person you see there? If you were to use a mirror to stare into your own eyes, would you like the soul staring back at you? Do you think you're a good person? A person who is worth someone else's time or effort? A person who is capable of greatness? A person who is worthy of whatever success they can earn?

That's what self image truly is. It's a funny thing because it's the composite of all of our attitudes about ourselves, and it also greatly affects our attitudes about the world and the people around us. It provides the parameters of how we're going to act toward people and how well they will like us.

You can never, and I do mean never, rise past the level at which your self image says you belong.

Since self image plays such a vital role to our success, it's pretty important that we make sure to keep our own self images positive! How? Well, we've been talking about that for two weeks. Every subject I've written about so far, once mastered, will contribute to your self image. Find inspiration to motivate you toward your goal, find supporters who like you and believe in your ability to reach your goal, find a coach who can guide you on the right path to your goal, have the right attitude about every situation, know when it's time to rest so you don't spread yourself too thin, forgive anyone you're holding a grudge against, have faith in a power greater than yourself, set yourself up to experience and celebrate victory, have the discipline to stay on track, and have the courage to face your fears! All of these things will leave you with a great self image!

Think positively about yourself today, and take note of how it affects your interactions with other people. I think you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised by the improvement!

Courage

You may not think of your journey toward physical and mental health, financial security, or mental and emotional well being as something that requires a whole lot of courage. After all, you're just shedding a few pounds, organizing your thoughts, and making a little more money, right?

Wrong.

The truth is that anything worth doing requires courage to do. We never accomplish great things in our comfort zones! For you that may mean having the courage to be vulnerable with someone as a coach and mentor, or having the courage to reach for that financial opportunity. For me, that courage has to come into play any time I hit a challenge. Like the Cowardly Lion, I frequently respond to the scary noises in the forest with a whimper and an attempt to run away. It's all too easy for me to give up and let my fear win.

One time I was invited to a movie night with a bunch of ladies I didn't know, in a stranger's house. After getting lost and then un-lost, I finally made it to the house only to be paralyzed by fear. I drove around the block six times before I could manage to park my car and go knock on the door. The whole time I was driving around the block, I was trying to think of all the reasons I had for not going in! What finally got me to use my courage was the realization that I didn't have a good enough reason to turn around and go home.

Courage isn't about not being afraid. In fact, the dictionary defines courage as "the ability to do something that frightens [you]." We don't need courage when we're not afraid. It's when the forest is dark, and the sounds are unfamiliar, and something in you just knows there's a wicked witch hiding behind a tree somewhere, that you need your courage the most.

Courage and faith go hand in hand. As I press in to my relationship with God and strengthen my faith, I find it easier to have courage in the face of my fears. This isn't really a surprise, since the bible is stuffed with stories about people that God had to remind to be courageous.

So how does this apply to your health journey? A lot of that depends on you. What are you afraid of, and are those fears holding you back? Have you decided not to exercise because you're afraid of looking funny in front of other people? Have you been ignoring a financial opportunity because there's risk involved? Have you been holding back from God because you're afraid he might send you to Africa?

We have all sorts of reasons for being afraid and staying where we are. Some of them are valid, but most of them are just excuses that we need to apply some courage to. Figure out where fear is holding you back in your journey. Then, sit down with a mentor you can trust and find out whether you should be pressing forward or taking the more cautious route. If your mentor says that you need to move forward, grab your courage and start walking!

Discipline

We all know about the importance of self discipline, so I don't think there's too much to say here. When your reason for pursuing a goal is big enough and constant enough, it will motivate you to make whatever changes are necessary in order to reach it. We see this again and again in the success stories in our world. Success sometimes comes from what seem to be the unlikeliest of places because the vision for the future was big enough to pull them forward.

Self discipline is something that I think has become a dirty word in our society. We as a culture are all about doing what you feel, following your heart, Carpe Diem, YOLO, etc. If you expect to achieve anything worthwhile, you must move away from these damaging perspectives. You cannot expect to retain your health if you give in to the mythology of "YOLO" every time you are offered a chance to sit on the couch, drink a beer, and eat pizza. Nor can you expect to hold on to financial health if you just do what feels right and swipe that ever-present credit card for anything that strikes your fancy.

Yes, we do only live once. But this is not an excuse to throw our lives away in reckless, selfish abandon. If we destroy ourselves what is the point of living?

Instead, learn to employ self discipline. Say no to yourself sometimes, for the right reasons. Not because you "can't" because you're "on a diet." Not because you "can't" because you're "on a tight budget right now." But because what you want for the long term is so much more important than the momentary relief of buying something you can't afford, or of stuffing your gob all weekend with junk food.

My friends, you were meant for greatness. And that greatness can only come when you discipline your self destructive nature and turn your actions toward your goals.

Today, pick an area of your life where you need to show more self discipline and begin by saying "no" to something for the right reasons.

Victories

It can get easy to get so wrapped up in reaching for the next goal that we forget to stop and appreciate our victories. The truth is that taking a moment to celebrate our victories, however small, increases our likelihood to keep going on toward our goals and reach other, larger victories.

Video game designers have known this for over 30 years. If you've played one of the popular games recently you know that the first ten levels are riddled with "achievements." These achievements are handed out like candy for everything from arming your weapon, to finding the nearest town, to randomly deciding to attack a tree. The psychology behind this is the understanding that recognition releases endorphins into the brain that will make the player feel good about playing this game. As a typical player advances through the first few levels of the game, earning achievements left and right, the brain gets flooded with these feel good hormones. The brain likes these hormones and will encourage the player to continue going back to this game in order to receive more of them. And just like that, you're addicted.

It is important to celebrate your victories when you're working on a big goal. Regaining your physical health, taking control of your finances, these things are big goals! Celebrating the little victories along the way and especially in the beginning is crucial to your determination to see the project through. Knowing this, and knowing that your life isn't a video game with achievements built in, it's important to set yourself up to experience these small victories.

In his commencement speech to the University of Texas graduating class of 2014, Naval Admiral William H. McRaven spoke of ten lessons he learned from his SEAL training that will help you change the world. The first one was to always make your bed.

McRaven explained that in SEAL training the first task of the day is always to make your bed. Everything about that task had to be done perfectly. The corners of the blanket had to be square, the pillow had to be centered on the frame exactly, and so on. I'm sure that as a SEAL in training, it was a little bit confusing at first to be forced to make the bed so meticulously. After all, what does a made bed have to do with defending your country? The Admiral said that despite the way this seemed a bit ridiculous, the wisdom of this training has been proven to him over the years because:

If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day.  It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another.

By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter.

If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.

And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.

He ends this portion of his speech by saying "If you want to change the world, always make your bed."

Today, set yourself up for some small victories. Make a checklist of the things you need to accomplish, set a goal you know you can reach, make your bed, and while you're at it go ahead and clean your room. Then, when the day is over and your checklist is checked, and you climb into your neatly made bed in your neatly cleaned room, take some time to appreciate your victories. And as you are on this journey to create a better you, be sure to document and celebrate your personal victories along the way.

Faith

What do you believe in? When times are tough and you need extra help and encouragement for your soul, when things are good and you need someone for your heart to sing to in joy, where do you turn?

Your roots of faith are vital to your success on any journey. No one has success long term in any venue without having something bigger than themselves to place their faith in. For some it's "king and country" and that patriotic heart that (hopefully) beats within us all is especially strong for these, strong enough to be their guiding force. For others it's fate or karma, the idea that what you put into the world is what comes back to you because that's just the way the universe works. Still others put their faith in their pastor or religious leader, believing that only through this other person is there any way to connect to something greater than themselves.

For me, it's God.

I cannot tell you how many times I have sat on my couch, weeping in prayer, waiting for the next step to be revealed in a difficult time. But I can tell you that without fail I have always been able to stand up from that couch with my tears dried, my soul encouraged, and eyes open to where I need to go next. By God's grace I am here today as the person you know me to be, when by my own strength I would have been still locked into a life of so much pain and grief that my heart almost can't bear the thought of it.

I put my faith in God, because it both humbles and uplifts me to know that the being that made the universe work the way it does is at all concerned with how my comparatively little life turns out. I put my faith in God because by doing so I have always only been led up into greater and more amazing things for my life and I can't say that of anyone or anything else.

I put my faith in God because I should be dead because of my choices, but I'm not, and my experience tells me that only God can pull off that kind of redemption.

Wherever your faith root is planted, it is important to nourish your soul there. Faith is worthless if it is never exercised and the ability to connect to a higher power is pointless if you never use it.

It is worth noting that if your soul isn't being nourished no matter how hard you try, if you cannot seem to connect to your higher power, or if your faith has led to a life in shambles, it's time to talk to God. You'll be amazed by just how much he cares.

Without faith, nothing worthwhile can be accomplished. You can't change your life if you don't believe that it's possible and you can't do it on your own. If you had the capacity to switch the direction your life was going without divine help, you would have had the power to not have gotten yourself into any messes in the first place. But we are all human and that means that we are incomplete on our own. We need each other and we need the faith that connects us to the master of the universe.

Today, take some time to explore your faith. Talk to God. Don't worry about saying the right thing or having the right amount of reverence. Just come to him honestly as you are and have a conversation. Ask him to strengthen your faith and to help you on your journey to improve yourself and your situations. Think about how amazing and good he really is, and how wonderful it is that he cares for you. The bible says that each of us is so valuable to him, that no single one of us could be traded for any other. That's why he had to send Jesus to redeem us, because the son of God himself was the only one valuable enough that his life could be exchanged for ours in eternity's accounts.

Spend some time strengthening your faith today, and every day, so that you can make all of your decisions with God's guidance instead of relying only on what you can see for yourself.

Forgiveness

Allow me to begin by saying that God is still working with me on forgiveness. Every time I start to think I've got it down, he points out another place where I am holding on to resentment and anger, and he starts encouraging me to open that clenched fist. It's difficult every time, it's painful every time. But at the end of it I always feel so relieved to be rid of the heart-burden I had forced myself to live with.

For me, lack of forgiveness has been a big part of the reason for my lack of health. Bitterness in the heart eats you up from the inside. It steals your life to fuel the fire of your anger.

It is important to forgive whatever or whomever you're holding anger against in your life. It is important because you cannot make any real forward progress without forgiving. Before long you will find your road blocked by the boulder of your grudges and any attempt to ignore that boulder will result in you getting crushed by it.

The thing that was surprising for me to discover about forgiveness is that often it is not a single person we are holding in contempt, but a whole group. You actually see it all the time; the fat girls hate the skinny girls for being so skinny, the poor man hates the executive for having money, the woman using fertility treatments finds herself hating every woman whose body produces children with ease. Even deeper, we sometimes hold un-forgiveness in our hearts toward a group because of the wounds they have inflicted on us. It was pointed out to me recently that I have a difficult time even speaking civilly to anyone in a smaller church because in my time of need a small church chose to judge and exclude me instead of reaching out to help.

We hold these things in our hearts, and we carry them around with us. Many times they are open wounds, bleeding our energy onto the pavement until we don't have any room left for kindness or compassion - not even for ourselves. And because all of our energy for good has bled out from this wound we've kept open, we cannot help anyone - least of all, ourselves. Because of these wounds that we keep open and bleeding we find ourselves trapped in poverty, or hiding inside an extra hundred pounds, keeping everyone at a distance for fear we'll sustain even more wounds.

Unforgiveness is a cycle of pain that returns to hurt you over and over. It will destroy your whole life from the inside out, if you let it.

My dear friends, today I'd like to encourage you to forgive. Take some time in a quiet, refreshing place and ask God where you have unforgiveness in your heart. Then, decide to let it go.

I know that sounds a lot simpler than it feels. And that's because when we think of just letting something go we often feel like that would invalidate us. We have a cultural understanding that letting something go means what the other person did was alright, and we shouldn't be in pain from it. Dear ones, that understanding is wrong. Forgiveness - real forgiveness - isn't about saying that the people who hurt you are right. It's about saying that, despite the wrongness of their actions or words, you are going to let God heal the wound. Because it is only with a healed heart that we can move forward in life.

Rest

Breathe.

I mean it, take a deep breath right now. Breathe really, really deeply and sit up straight while you do it. Now let it all out slowly, and smile.

Doesn't that feel good?

Rest is important. But it's also important that while you are resting you don't let your personal goals go the the wayside. So while you are resting this weekend - as I hope you will be! - make sure that you are still making choices that line up with your goals. Make choices that are healthy for your mind, body, spirit, and finances. And have a fantastic weekend!

Choice

Each of us live a day made up entirely of our choices. Some of these choices are automatic, we don't realize that we are choosing anything because we have chosen the same thing so often that it's become a habit. This works to our advantage when we have spent time making the same good choices again and again, but to our disadvantage when we have made neutral or negative choices repeatedly.

Common knowledge holds that it takes 21 days to break or build a habit. However, recent research suggests that our common knowledge stops too soon! This new information states that most of the time it actually took - at minimum - 60 to 80 days to break an old habit and form a replacement habit. Many of the people involved in the study took 120 to 180 days (4 to 6 months) to break habits like drinking, smoking, overeating, and swearing.

Habit is choice. This is good news because that means that every moment of every day we each have the option to make a different choice. It's probably not going to be easy. When I quit smoking and again when I quit excessively consuming sugar, I experienced weeks of great irritability (just ask my husband!) because I was constantly struggling against my desire to have what I was deciding to give up. Habits are like a thick rope. They are many, many choices made over and over again, twisted together, and tied around us to hold us to the action or result. And just like with a very thick rope, the only way to break it is to break one thread at a time, sawing away at its holding power.

How do you make your choices?

Many of us have a moral basis that helps us to make choices. We don't kill the coworker who is stressing us out because our moral basis says that is a wrong choice. We offer to help someone who has just dropped their grocery bags and spilled the contents in the parking lot because our moral basis says that is a right choice. Having a good, strong moral basis is important, because when a choice is clearly right or wrong it is easier to make the right choice.

The trouble comes in the grey areas. It's not morally wrong to eat 'fast food' every night. It's not morally wrong to go to sleep before you've cleared your mind and analyzed the day. It's not morally wrong to let a moment of anger control your attitude toward the barista who messed up your morning coffee. There's so many things that are unhealthy, but not morally wrong, and so it becomes easy to make a neutral or negative choice in these areas. This is where our goals have to come in.

By now I hope that you do have goals because you know where you want to end up as a result of this journey. You can't start a road trip with no destination because you'll end up driving in circles. Similarly you can't make significant improvement in your life without knowing where you want to be because of the improvement. Trying to improve your life without a definite and stated goal will leave you bouncing forward a few steps and sliding backward a few more.

Choices driven by goals are a beautiful thing. They're not easy at first. The first few times I turned down dessert were agonizing. In fact just last night I had some difficulty saying no to the chocolate cheesecake at an awards dinner for a friend of ours - and I've been skipping dessert for nearly six months! When you make choices for arbitrary reasons (such as thinking it's probably a good idea) you can't stick with them long enough to form positive habits. You have to have a desire backing the choice that is stronger than your desire for the wrong choice.

I really wanted that chocolate cheesecake, and because of the format of the evening it was sitting right in front of me the whole time. I swear I heard it calling my name. Nobody would have been upset with me for having that cheesecake, and nobody would have called me to task about whether that cheesecake was a good decision (except perhaps my husband). It wasn't morally wrong to eat the cheesecake. But I have a goal that is more important to me than that cheesecake. I want to lose 20 pounds this month.

Would the cheesecake last night have caused me to miss my goal completely - with a whole month ahead of me to still do what is right? No. But I also understand that if I had eaten that cheesecake, it would be harder to say no to whatever the next dessert opportunity is because the taste of the cheesecake so close in my memory would make my desire for dessert greater. I made a choice based on my goal, and on an understanding of what it will take to reach that goal.

And you know what? Today I'm pretty glad I didn't eat that piece of cheesecake. I feel a small sense of accomplishment because I made a choice that was consistent with the path to my goals.

Every day, every moment, you make a choice. Change happens only when you choose to change the choices that you are making. Today, think about the choices - especially those that are habits right now - that got you to where you are today. Are you overweight because you've been eating unhealthy foods? Are you disconnected from God because you've been skipping focused prayer? Are you in debt because you've been putting what you can't afford and don't really need on a credit card? Pick a habit that is negatively affecting you, and make a commitment to six months of choices that will change that habit. I think you'll really like who you are in December!

Attitude

How do you feel?

When you think about becoming healthier physically, mentally/emotionally, spiritually, and financially, what comes to mind? Do you think it's impossible? Does your inner voice tell you things like "real women have curves, sticks are for dogs" or "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best"? When you think about becoming spiritually healthy do you find yourself scoffing at the idea? Does the thought of financial health scare you?

If any of these things are true, you may be struggling against a bad attitude - and that's going to hold you back. John Maxwell says that your attitude and your potential go hand in hand. Just take a look around you. Have you ever noticed that the same people get into car accidents over and over again and it's never their fault? That your coworker who complains the most produces the least? That your family member who thinks all men are dogs just can't seem to find a guy she can settle down with?

Our attitudes determine the way we see the world, and the way we see the world determines how we're going to react to the various situations we encounter every day.

Webster's defines Attitude as "as settled way of thinking or believing about something, usually reflected in a person's behavior."

The keyword that jumps out to me is "settled." Bad attitudes develop when we've settled. Whether you've settled for poor health or having a bad temper, not being able to connect to God or never having enough money; your choice to just "settle" and leave things the way they are will result in a bad attitude toward the suggestion that you could or should improve. That bad attitude will cause you to subconsciously sabotage yourself in life, thus perpetuating the beliefs that form your bad attitude.

Want the good news?

We can change our attitudes.

It's not easy to change an attitude. Sometimes our attitudes are formed when we are children, constructed by the beliefs of the adults around us in the years our brain was still developing the most. Attitudes can be rooted deep in past hurts or resentments, and that means that changing them is a matter of taking your heart to the Master Gardener and asking him to clean out the weeds. Sometimes, changing your attitude is a very painful process. You'll be tempted to quit halfway through. But if you stick with it until the process is finished, I think you'll be a lot happier with yourself and your life.

No, it's not easy to change an attitude, but it's simple.

First, you need to pray. I'm finding as I get older I need more and more prayer in my life. My faith isn't always automatic anymore, and I need help and guidance from my loving heavenly father who knows so much more than I do. Changing your attitude means changing your heart, and only God can do that. God is also the only one who can heal the deep wounds and scars that may be forming your attitude. This is an endeavor that cannot ever completely succeed without prayer.

Next, you need to decide to have a better attitude. Say it out loud: "I have decided to have a better attitude." Say it again and again until you really believe it. Grab that friend you asked to keep you accountable, grab your coach or mentor, and tell them, "I have decided to have a better attitude" - and if you're really brave you can ask them to let you know when you're slipping back into a bad one. Write it down and put the paper on your refrigerator or your bathroom mirror so that you can't help but be reminded through the day.

Third, you need to counter the negative thoughts that will reinforce your bad attitude. This doesn't mean you won't have them. Just deciding not to think about things is a merry-go-round of self-defeat. What it does mean is that every time you find a negative attitude thought coming to mind or falling out of your mouth, you stop. You correct it immediately. If you catch yourself saying "It's impossible to get ahead," put your foot down and say "No, that's not accurate, it's completely possible to get ahead and what's more *I* am going to get ahead!" Apply this to any statement that may reinforce the negative attitude you're trying to uproot.

Keep in mind that just deciding that negative statement is wrong isn't enough. Nature hates an empty space and if you don't give your mind some good to replace whatever bad you're trying to get rid of, you will never be rid of the bad.

Fourth and finally, you need to guard your new attitude. Take a look at the TV shows you are watching, the songs you listen to, and books your read. Listen carefully to the things your friends and coworkers are saying. Does your environment create a bad attitude in you because of what you are feeding into your mind through these input sources? If so, it's time to make some changes. Spend a week watching nothing but bible shows and preachers, listening to no music except what's on the Christian radio station, only reading books about having a positive attitude, and hanging out less with those negative friends. At the end of the week you'll find yourself renewed by the constant stream of uplifting positivism and if you try to go back to those negative inputs your heart will be disgusted by them.

Am I saying that you should sequester yourself for the rest of your life in a bubble of purely and overtly Christian influence? No. What I am saying is that you will never trust your spouse if the TV shows you watch are about cheating spouses. You have to be a responsible adult and really investigate how certain things affect you. Do you yell at your kids more when a certain song has been on the radio? Maybe it's time to switch stations because that song is creating an attitude of anger and impatience in you!

Our attitudes determine the direction we go in life. Bad attitudes can keep us from seeing the solutions to our problems and they can cause us to subconsciously create more problems for ourselves. But good attitudes are quite the opposite. Good attitudes will do amazing things for your life. Good attitudes will light up opportunities like giant neon signs so you can't miss them, they'll propose a solution you never would have thought up before, they'll remind you of the people around you who need your encouragement, and so much more. A good attitude will serve you well.

Today, find the areas you may have a bad attitude in, and start working to change it. You may be astounded by the difference it makes in your whole life.

Supporters part 2 - Coach

Yesterday we talked about the importance of having supporters. Today, let's talk about the types of supporters we have (and need!) in our lives - and especially about our coaches.

Generally, your supporters will fall into 3 groups.

Casual supporters are plentiful and you can find them in any general interest group. For example, I have a goal to write a book on a specific subject. To help keep myself motivated I've recently joined a writers' connection group and they've been very supportive! They're a great group of people and I really enjoy them, and the last time that we got together they were very encouraging for me and helped to re-enforce my desire to write this book. It's awesome! I love having a group of people who are so willing to stand up and say "Write that book!"

Casual supporters are wonderful! They make us feel good and they'll always tell us how awesome we are.

The second group is the invested supporters. These are the people who have a reason to want you to succeed. Maybe they're financially invested in your success, maybe they'll get some kind of emotional satisfaction from it, there's many ways we can invest ourselves in the success of others. These supporters are going to be a little more likely to tell you the truth about whether you are doing something well because they've got something riding on you doing well.

Surround yourself with people like this. They are good for you and they help keep you sharp.

The third group of supporters are your coaches. Coaches are so important to our ability to be successful in life, yet so many people try to do big, important things without a coach. You wouldn't expect a group of men to become a great major league baseball team without a significant amount of coaching. You wouldn't even expect your child to play a sport without a coach! So why on earth would you expect to start a business, or work on improving yourself as a person without the help of a coach?

Coaches come in many forms, with the label and without them. I have a certified health coach who helps me with my goals to better myself physically, and a mentor who helps me with my personality and leadership development. We have seasoned business owners who are friends of ours and function as our business coaches, and there are people in our church - including our pastor - who we rely on to coach us in our spiritual improvement.

Why so many coaches?

Because anything worth doing cannot be done alone. And wouldn't you rather rely on the wisdom of people who know and love you and are experts in their field, instead of trying to Google how you're supposed to handle every situation?

Your coaches won't sugar coat or tiptoe. They're there to make you better, and sometimes that means calling you to the carpet so they can help you straighten out your mess.

The difference between casual supporters and invested supporters and coaches has been illustrated very well for me with my writing recently. My casual supporters gathered around me and said "You're awesome, you can write a book!" My invested supporters said "When you're done I'll help you edit it, to give you another perspective." But my husband - who also happens to be my coach in this area...well, he made me cry. He took the ego that my casual supporters had filled with helium and popped it, telling me to sit down and really evaluate the truth of my ability, the story I want to present, and whether it's all going to be worth anyone's time.

This may sound harsh. Coaches sometimes seem harsh in the ways that they are teaching us. But all perceived harshness makes us better, it's like the grindstone that sharpens a sword. My husband's perspective forced me to improve on the story I wanted to tell and turn it into something that will really add value to people when it's finished.

Casual supporters boost your ego, invested supporters push you along, and your coach (who is usually also an invested supporter) tells you to run faster because they know you've got more potential hidden in there. They all serve different purposes in your journey, and they're all important - but especially the coach!